Last year to celebrate my anniversary, I went back to Emory and talked to their STARS class about maintenance and 'beating the odds.' I also started this blog.
This year, I don't feel quite so victorious. I know that as far as OPTIFAST goes, I am victorious. My weight is within 5 lbs of my weight when I came off of OPTIFAST. And mentally I know that is something to be proud of. But I'm not feeling proud.
Why? Because the scales are showing a 5 lb gain over my OPTIFAST weight and an 8 lb gain over the weight I was able to maintain for 1 1/2 years. Because I know that I don't always eat as cleanly as I could. Because I know I don't always practice portion control. Because now instead of being 13 lbs from goal, I'm more like 20 lbs from goal.
So I'm a bit ambivalent about this anniversary. I know that, for the most part, I am victorious. I've beaten the odds. I am not worried that I'm going to backslide and gain all the weight back. I am worried that I may never get these 8 lbs, much less the 13 more, off of my body. That worry is overshadowing any since of accomplishment.
So where to from here? More of the same - keeping on keeping on. Eating well and moving well. Taking care of myself. And trying to not let the concern over a few extra pounds turn into another ride on the guilt & desperation roller coaster. Life is too short for that.