Thursday, March 12, 2009

It's been three years...

... since I came off of OPTIFAST, after losing almost 70 lbs.   I think my last official visit was March 16, 2006.   

Last year to celebrate my anniversary, I went back to Emory and talked to their STARS class about maintenance and 'beating the odds.'  I also started this blog. 

This year, I don't feel quite so victorious.  I know that as far as OPTIFAST goes, I am victorious.  My weight is within 5 lbs of my weight when I came off of OPTIFAST.  And mentally I know that is something to be proud of.  But I'm not feeling proud.

Why? Because the scales are showing a 5 lb gain over my OPTIFAST weight and an 8 lb gain over the weight I was able to maintain for 1 1/2 years.  Because I know that I don't always eat as cleanly as I could.  Because I know I don't always practice portion control.  Because now instead of being 13 lbs from goal, I'm more like 20 lbs from goal.

So I'm a bit ambivalent about this anniversary.  I know that, for the most part, I am victorious.  I've beaten the odds.  I am not worried that I'm going to backslide and gain all the weight back.  I am worried that I may never get these 8 lbs, much less the 13 more, off of my body.  That worry is overshadowing any since of accomplishment.  

So where to from here?  More of the same - keeping on keeping on.  Eating well and moving well.  Taking care of myself.  And trying to not let the concern over a few extra pounds turn into another ride on the guilt & desperation roller coaster.   Life is too short for that.

1 comment:

  1. You're so right. All you can do is keep on keeping on. Or give up, which isn't an option. I used to think that the phrase, "Tomorrow's another day," was just blather, but it really is true. And when you get to tomorrow, you get to decide what's real for the day.

    Yes, life is too short for any more roller coaster rides of guilt. Yikes. God knows we heap enough of that on ourselves without adding to it with "gosh, I shouldn't have eaten that...."


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