I got up early this morning and did some private journaling. The result was that I realized I’ve been indulging in some really bizarre “WTF” thinking.
I asked myself the question: Why am I unwilling to do what it takes to lose weight?
The first answer that came to mind went something like this: Because to actively engage in the steps required to lose weight means to acknowledge that I’ve gained weight.
So I asked myself what was wrong with that and the answer that came was: Because it means I’m a failure.
That’s how my mind works. Because I slipped and gained weight, I’m not going to do anything about it because to do so would be to admit that I’m a failure.
And the cycle continues.
The next question I asked myself was: If you were your best friend, would you tell yourself that you were a failure simply because you gained some weight?
Um, no. I might say something like this: I know you’re unhappy about the weight gain. It’s obvious that you’re uncomfortable right now. Just remember the number of the scale and the size of the clothing doesn’t define who you are. Remember that you are strong and capable and quite able to lose the weight. And remember that wishing it the weight off won’t make it come off.
I LOVE that last line. When I was journaling, I had to write it down twice. It’s so true.
I’m not done asking myself questions. I’ve been burying a lot of feelings and indulging in very unhealthy thinking. Journaling helps me get my head back. My true journaling is done the old fashioned way - pen and paper in a very private and quiet setting. It stays private. But I will write about the insights here. Doing that helps me keep them in my head.