I've gained 10 lbs
OK. I could make lots of excuses. Some might even be valid. But the truth is I've gained 10 lbs because I quit caring. I got defiant and angry that maintaining is so difficult for me.
I don't know what I'm going to do about it - except be kind to myself. That is first and foremost. There are a lot of outside stressors in my life. I don't need to add to them by beating psyche to a pulp.
I think part of my problem is that only way I have successfully lost weight was through OPTIFAST. As soon as I came off of OPTIFAST, I quit losing weight. I can maintain, if I am careful, with real food choices, but choice makes losing difficult. I need to examine why. Life is full of choices and I need to learn to deal with them.
Another part may be that I am still holding on to an identify of "someone who needs to lose weight" and as soon as I get close to being near being "someone at a normal, healthy weight" I stop practicing the behaviors that got me there so I can still be "someone who needs to lose weight." It's not that I like that identity - it's just the only one I've known intimately since I was about 8 years old.
It's too early to be so philosophical. Time to go practice being kind to myself.