Saturday, August 8, 2009


The truth is:

I've gained 10 lbs

OK. I could make lots of excuses. Some might even be valid. But the truth is I've gained 10 lbs because I quit caring. I got defiant and angry that maintaining is so difficult for me.

I don't know what I'm going to do about it - except be kind to myself. That is first and foremost. There are a lot of outside stressors in my life. I don't need to add to them by beating psyche to a pulp.

I think part of my problem is that only way I have successfully lost weight was through OPTIFAST. As soon as I came off of OPTIFAST, I quit losing weight. I can maintain, if I am careful, with real food choices, but choice makes losing difficult. I need to examine why. Life is full of choices and I need to learn to deal with them.

Another part may be that I am still holding on to an identify of "someone who needs to lose weight" and as soon as I get close to being near being "someone at a normal, healthy weight" I stop practicing the behaviors that got me there so I can still be "someone who needs to lose weight." It's not that I like that identity - it's just the only one I've known intimately since I was about 8 years old.

It's too early to be so philosophical. Time to go practice being kind to myself.


  1. Maura,
    Being honest with yourself and telling the truth is the first step--so proud of you! I know you will figure this out. The emotional and mental aspect of any change is the hardest. I really understand what you are talking about. As I've also learned, being patient and kind to yourself is so important in this process. (((hugs)))

  2. Wow - just what I needed to hear - "as soon as I get close to being near being someone at a normal healthy weight I stop practicing the behaviors that got me there" - That really hit the nail on the head for me. I have not gained any, just quit losing - and thanks for the kick in the pants!

  3. Maura, just checking in, it's been a week since you posted. How are things?

  4. Sandra - thanks for checking on me. It's been a tough week. D and I are facing putting down a beloved pet on top of D's job suddenly becoming super-demanding. It's been rather consuming. That said - I didn't gain weight. Just didn't lose any. I'll post more about the baby step I took this morning.


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