Saturday, August 8, 2009

FACING THE TRUTH

The truth is:

I've gained 10 lbs

OK. I could make lots of excuses. Some might even be valid. But the truth is I've gained 10 lbs because I quit caring. I got defiant and angry that maintaining is so difficult for me.

I don't know what I'm going to do about it - except be kind to myself. That is first and foremost. There are a lot of outside stressors in my life. I don't need to add to them by beating psyche to a pulp.

I think part of my problem is that only way I have successfully lost weight was through OPTIFAST. As soon as I came off of OPTIFAST, I quit losing weight. I can maintain, if I am careful, with real food choices, but choice makes losing difficult. I need to examine why. Life is full of choices and I need to learn to deal with them.

Another part may be that I am still holding on to an identify of "someone who needs to lose weight" and as soon as I get close to being near being "someone at a normal, healthy weight" I stop practicing the behaviors that got me there so I can still be "someone who needs to lose weight." It's not that I like that identity - it's just the only one I've known intimately since I was about 8 years old.

It's too early to be so philosophical. Time to go practice being kind to myself.

4 comments:

  1. Maura,
    Being honest with yourself and telling the truth is the first step--so proud of you! I know you will figure this out. The emotional and mental aspect of any change is the hardest. I really understand what you are talking about. As I've also learned, being patient and kind to yourself is so important in this process. (((hugs)))

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  2. Wow - just what I needed to hear - "as soon as I get close to being near being someone at a normal healthy weight I stop practicing the behaviors that got me there" - That really hit the nail on the head for me. I have not gained any, just quit losing - and thanks for the kick in the pants!

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  3. Maura, just checking in, it's been a week since you posted. How are things?

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  4. Sandra - thanks for checking on me. It's been a tough week. D and I are facing putting down a beloved pet on top of D's job suddenly becoming super-demanding. It's been rather consuming. That said - I didn't gain weight. Just didn't lose any. I'll post more about the baby step I took this morning.

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