Thursday, August 2, 2012


From what seems to be the most popular entry in my blog - Punishing Myself With Food:

"But the demon still lurks.  The voice that says I’m not good enough is almost always whispering in my head.  I’m not good enough because I didn’t make my goal weight.  I’m not good enough because I’ve put on a few pounds.  I’m not good enough because I don’t look like I’m 18.  

And when life gets hard and I want to turn to food for ‘comfort’ I have to be VERY careful to not let that desire for comfort turn into a full-fledged flogging.  The whip?  Food.   The scary part is how quickly that switch can happen. 

Isn’t it ironic?   I beat myself up for not weighing 130 lbs by over-eating.   How whacked is that?

I understand it’s whacked.  I also understand I’ve been practicing this behavior most of my adult life.  It’s not one that’s going to be solved overnight.   Being cognizant of it and looking for replacement habits is truly the key."

Oh my - my thinking has really and truly reverted back to this very painful thinking.  I'm not very kind to myself these days.

There's one thing about the quoted paragraph that I don't believe any more:

"Being cognizant of it and looking for replacement habits is truly the key."

No, it's not.  Being cognizant yes.  Learning to sit with the discomfort until it passes and understanding what caused the discomfort to begin with is the true key.  Replacement habits just mask.


  1. Maura,

    Have you considered that what was a key concept before was a valid key concept at that time? And that you have now progressed to another, new key concept? Just as valid in this time? And that perhaps you might not have reached the second realization without living with and being comfortable with the first? And that both are valid ways to deal the urge to overeat? Some days one will be more useful and other days the other (or a new way, yet to be realized and internalized) will be.

    It is a frickin' processes . . ..



    1. Peach, thanks

      Yes - it's definitely a process. And if we aren't constantly learning then we get stuck. Internalizing the way is definitely a place where I'm struggling. I've been thinking about that lately. Internalizing a new habit has to come from doing. I haven't been doing much doing lately. A lot of thinking, but not much doing. Time to do.


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