Not going so well

Work is too busy and I’m too stressed and those are just excuses. And when I say “those are just excuses” I feel like I’m beating myself up rather than being real with myself.

The truth of the matter is that for the past two days my eating has been OUT OF CONTROL. Very much “Old Maura” eating and thinking.

I know HOW to lose weight. Cut calories, eat healthy nutritious food and move more. Simple enough, right?

Then why do I seem to fail at this?

Yep - another start over for me.

Goals are good. But I forget them. It has to be even easier:

For the next DAY (ie, TODAY) - I have one rule about eating: I will only eat when my hunger level is 6 or greater on my ‘hunger scale’:

0 - 2: So not hungry that the thought of food makes me a bit ill (avoid this range - it indicates overeating)

3-4: Not hungry, not stuffed. A good place to be right after eating.

5-6: Beginning to be hungry.

7-8: Hungry - eat.

9-10: Too hungry. Avoid this range - it leads to overeating.

I can do this.

It's been a while...

.... since I checked in - or checked out any one else’s blogs. Life got in the way. And it promises to be this way for some time.

Today is a quiet day - we’ll be at home most of it and that affords me the opportunity to get my thoughts organized, plans made and preparation for the week done.

Looking what I’ve dropped in the past two weeks - yoga, writing, reading, breathing. Yep - most of it. BUT.. I didn’t gain all the weight back. I’m saying that’s progress. For the past two years when I’ve slacked off, there has always been a weight gain. I’m thinking since that hasn’t happened this time, perhaps I’m getting food back to where it should be.

And make no mistake - it’s all about food. 80-90% of weight loss and management success is about managing food: making good food choices and restricting calories. Exercise is helpful, but not for burning calories. It’s helpful for managing stress and for keeping the body strong, which is important for weight management.

Since I tend to practice addictive behaviors around food, I think getting my head right about food is important. And I truly do like Thich Nhat Hanh’s approach in Savor: be mindful. If you are mindful, then you can also listen to your body and learn to eat intuitively. His approach is gentle and loving. I think so many people who have weight issues have tried to battle them with brute force that they feel beaten down. Savor’s approach is empowering and uplifting. And doesn’t require any special food. I like that.

Savor: the Book

http://www.savorthebook.com/

And of course I love Martha’s Beck’s approach of having goals so attainable that you can’t help but succeed. So, to get myself back on track this week - and it will be a busy week, I’m setting the following as my goals:

1. Read passages of Savor every day
2. Just once a day, remind myself to breathe: “Breathing in I calm my body; Breathing out, I smile”
3. Write down every morsel I eat.

And the rewards - they have to be small, I just spent a fortune on D’s birthday, and new glasses for me.

Daily: foot massage

Days 1-3: Daily reward

Day 4: New iTunes Song

Day 5: New iTunes Song or App (under $2.00)

Day 5: New iTunes App (under $3.00)

Day 6: New iTunes App (under $5.00)

Day 7: New ebook or paper back (under $10.00)

Exhausted

A weekend visiting my parents should not exhaust me.  But this one did.  I don't have the energy to commit to a challenge this week.  I'm stepping back, regrouping and reenergizing.

Acceptance

I just deleted part of a comment I was leaving on one new favorite blogs: Screaming Fat Girl because I got too wordy and the blog service said my comment was too long.  But the part I deleted was just as important as everything else I said:

I'm 5'4" and have smallish frame and am approaching 50 faster than a freight train.  I simply need less calories than I did 4 years ago.

Instead of accepting and embracing my reality, I fought it tooth and nail - and gained almost 20 lbs.  And let me tell - 20 lbs on someone my size makes difference.  I went from a size 6 skirt to a size 12 skirt.  Talk about depressing!

There were two turning points for me in this part of my journey:  The day I received the advice to simply worry about food for now.  It is 80-90% of the equation (Even exercise guru Jari Love says that).   The other turning point was reading Savor.  Finally some advice I could make my own.

I've still got 15-18 lbs to lose and I'm OK with that.  I'm proud of the progress I'm making.

Rethinking the Challenge

I need to rethink my challenge. I’m removing the mindful part from a requirement. It’s going to take a while for it to become habit and I don’t want to feel like I’m failing because it’s so hard for me to keep going if I feel like I’m failing.

So - for the mindfulness part, I think I will just start tracking it. I also realize taking 3 breathes between bites may be a bit overkill. I tried that last night and well - it was painfully slow. So the new goal is to take 3 deep breathes BEFORE beginning to eat - while giving thanks to all who gave of themselves to make the food possible. And then 1 breath between bites. And I get a star for each time I remember to do this!

It is amazing how we forget to breathe. Last night during dinner, I realized I had to think about breathing. I seem to be so accustomed to shoveling forkful after forkful without breathing - without KNOWING I’m eating. Stopping to breathe really does bring the mind back to the moment.

Went for a walk today. It’s unseasonably cool here (after 2 weeks of unseasonably HOT) and I wanted to enjoy the clean fresh air. It was a nice walk. My heart elevated some - enough, but not so much that I felt winded.

I actually did get my reward for last week’s success: Gaim’s 15-minute results: Yoga with Rodney Yee and Mariel Hemingway. I also bought a fun little sun dress to wear on ‘date nights’ with D. I wore it last night and felt so pretty. I like that. I think practicing yoga is helping me let go of the stress of having gained weight so that I can feel pretty and confident again.

And speaking of yoga, I plan to do Rodney Yee’s Yoga for Abs this afternoon. It needs to be done on a relatively empty stomach and I just enjoyed a container of Siggi’s Skyr yogurt. It’s better than Fage!

Happy 4th of July

Recap of Weekly Challenge 6/26 - 7/2

Last week was great.  I feel so much stronger!   Yesterday there was leftover Jason's Deli - LOTS of leftover food, including my weakness - desserts.   I moved the food from the meeting room into different break room (none near where I sit) and did not, though hungry, have any.   And as a reward - had a shopping spree in Ulta!

Here's last week's summary;

DAILY GOAL: Log every bite (on MFD), drink 56 oz of water, practice yoga - 10 minutes

Success Tracking: 7/7 days - Success!

Fri 7/2: Log - yes, water - yes, yoga - yes

Thur 7/1: Log - yes, water - yes, yoga - yes

Wed 6/30: Log - yes, water - yes, yoga - yes

Tues 6/29: Log - yes, water - yes, yoga - yes

Mon 6/28: Log - yes, water - yes, yoga - yes

Sun 6/27: Log - yes, water - yes, yoga - yes

Sat 6/26: Log - yes, water - yes, yoga - yes

Challenge 7/3 -7/9

It is important to make sure I choose DOABLE challenges this week. With eating out a bit more because of the 3-day weekend and then heading out of town on Thursday it may be difficult to do what I would like to do and I am still of the mindset that I am giving myself no challenge that would prove difficult to meet.

So, for this week, I will...

Log every bite using MFD - I have an iPad and it’s easy to do this, even on the road

Drink 72 oz of water each day

Yoga: Sat - Mon - at least 20 minutes each day, Mon-Fri - do at least 4 sun salutations each day.

Mindfulness practice: for each meal the requires utensils - put my fork or spoon down between each bite and focus on my breath for three breaths.

Why do I want to meet these challenges?

1. I will continue to become more confident in my ability to make wise choices around weight management
2. Drinking water keeps my hydrated and feeling refreshed
3. Yoga is helping my breathing and making me feel at peace
4. Mindful and intuitive eating is my ultimate goal for weight management. Adding the breathing between bites will help establish the beginning of mindful eating practices.
5. I am feeling healthier and stronger and more at peace than I have in quite some time. Continuing to practice the behaviors that have helped me achieve these feelings will help me continue to have them and make them stronger.

REWARDS:

Daily - foot massages

1-3/7 days - just the daily reward

4/7 days: new song for the iPhone

5/7 days: new app for the iPad

6/7 days: some new knitting notion

7/7 days: book for the iPad

Down 4.8 lbs!

It hasn’t been that bad. I have two protein shakes, hummus, arnold sandwich thin and carrot sticks during the day. And then small portions of what D cooks.

What is working for me is that I’ve baby-stepped adding re-establishing my weight management habits and I’ve made peace with myself about using some processed food (protein shakes) to help. It may be that protein shakes will be with me for quite some time. And I’m OK with it.

To recap my successes for the month of June:

I am logging or at least writing down every bite

I am drinking water consistently

I am practicing yoga

I have learned about mindful eating - from a spiritual aspect rather than sheer will-power.

I am learning to breathe

Not bad, all things considered!