Hubby has refrained....

.... from saying "how many times do I have to tell you to follow a recipe just as it is written the first time you make it?"

Yep, the peanut butter rice crispies did not turn out.  I added chocolate.  And forgot the recipe figured the peanut butter being used would be full of sugar, not the healthy kind I used.  Anyway, most of them ended up in the trash can - they weren't good enough to share.

But my defiance "this makes me smile" moment made me smile.  So, I did indeed honor myself.

Today - bored at work.  What will make me smile?  Reading. I will read.

Honoring Myself - Doing what makes me smile

Last week, I made a mistake: I purchased brown crisped rice cereal from Erewhon to stir into my yogurt and fruit.  I didn't put two and two together that crisped rice would go soggy in about 2 seconds.  And it did and it was yucky.  What to do with the expensive cereal?

Rice crispy treats.  Yeah.  Why not?  Hubby goes - why on earth are you doing this?   "I want to"  I retorted.

My version will have marshmallows and peanut butter.  And butter.  I haven't made this in ages  - as in close to 15 years.  But making treats makes me smile.  I'll make them today and take them into the office tomorrow.  Yes, I'm an enabler.   But except for the marshmallows, I'm using real food.

Peanut butter:  peanuts, salt
Butter:  milk cream
Brown rice cereal:  brown rice
Marshmallows: more than 5 ingredients, so not real food.

My concoction will be 75% real food and OH SO MUCH better than the crappy commercial ones they sell in the vending machine. Yuck.

The next time I decide to make such treats, though, I'll skip the marshmallows - I found this recipe this morning: Peanut Butter Crispy Bars.  I don't have all the ingredients, but these do look like a wonderful indulgence to make at a later time.

What are you doing to make yourself smile today?

Soapbox: Pizza A Vegetable?

My husband and I are splurging this evening - we're having pizza.  We found a local pizza shop that makes fantastic pizza.  It's not healthy.  It's a splurge. And I plan to have a big salad with it so I'll be satisfied with one piece.  Even with the salad and the 1 slice limit, I know this type of splurge needs to be the exception to my eating - not the rule.  I'm sure I won't have any argument from my readers on this point!

So, my question is - why are we allowing our tax dollars to go towards putting unhealthy foods in our public schools?  I can see pizza every now and then - maybe every other month or so.  Part of teaching our children to make healthy food choices is to actually limit the unhealthy choices.  When the food budget is spent on pizza, then how can the healthier options be the focus?

http://www.npr.org/blogs/thesalt/2011/11/15/142360146/pizza-as-a-vegetable-it-depends-on-the-sauce

For the past few weeks, I've noticed a trend when NPR reports about obesity:  it's turning overweight people into victims.  There's an excuse offered in each article.  Is this so we can feel better about ourselves?

The obesity issue in this country is not simply a matter of calories in, calories out.  Or "Eat Less Move More."  It's also about big business.  It's about manipulation.  It's about dumbing down.  We have a choice - we can be victims - or we can opt to disengage.

How?  Choose to cook using real, not processed ingredients.  Choose to not frequent restaurants that serve food product in enormous quantities and assure us that's how normal people eat. (Chilis, The Cheesecake Factory, etc).  Choose to never frequent McDonald's again.

Choose to pack lunches to take to work and school.  Choose to learn to cook.

Choose to tell our government "leaders" that we will not stand by idly and allow them to sell out to big agri-business so that they can keep poisoning our children with crap food because they got the low bid on school lunches.

Choose to create a new normal where real food, real meals cooked and savored at home are the norm, not the exception.

One of the reasons I've put on some weight is because I started opting into the accepted food norms - eating cookies and sandwiches from the trays brought into the office instead of sticking to my healthy real foods brought from home.

Now - I'm choosing to opt out again.  I'm worth it.  Aren't you?

It's OK

What If Dad Is Right And I Really Am Okay?

I read Karen Anderson's After the Before and After Blog just about every time she makes a new entry - and just about every time I read her entries, I gain a new insight.

I caught up with some reading this morning, and once again gained a new insight.

I REALLY AM OK. I had a therapist tell me that many many years ago. I didn't believe him. And at this very moment, I feel I MUST start believing it.

I'm OK when I feel anxious

I'm OK when I feel sad

I'm OK when I feel happy

I'm OK when I feel strong

I'm OK when I feel weak

I'm OK when I feel pretty

I'm OK when I feel frumpy

I'm OK when I feel.

This makes me feel very strong and very powerful.

My Food Diary.com

Rejoined.  I truly WANT to be able to eat intuitively and I'm moving the line towards that.  But here are two cold hard facts (I think they're facts - I'm going under the assumption they are):

1.  Obesity and then drastic (more than 2 lbs per week) has played havoc on my metabolism.  I can't have as much food as I want without killing myself with exercise and that is no longer an option.

2.  I have a little bit of an eating disorder.

I need to track my food - hunger levels (see #2), focus, satisfaction AND calories (see #1).

MyFoodDiary.com is, for me, the easiest online calorie tracker there is.  And I am willing to pay for it.

And more mittens!

I'm on a roll. Three pair in two weeks! These are done in a luscious teal alpaca and feel oh so yummy on the hand. As I knitted them, I decided I couldn't keep them for myself, but my co- worker should have them. She is undergoing chemo and radiation and is always cold. Maybe these will help a little.

My Lab results are in: my thyroid levels are normal so the hair loss & splitting nails go unexplained.

Good news, since I am highly predisposed to Type II diabetes: my A1C is very normal, and slightly lower than it was the last time it was tested.

Karen, thanks for the comment and suggestion. As I typed that post, I thought of you and your journey with the medical field and wondered if I might need to expand my options.

Right now, I am "doctored" out and also feel the need to question my motivation to seek medical assistance. I'm not sure the part of who wants everything RIGHT NOW isn't driving this need. Perhaps, even though I know one doesn't exist, I am still seeking the holy grail of weight management: the magic bullet.

I think more thought and action needs to given to the idea that my metabolism is deranged and needs tender, loving care.

Caneo's Mittens

Disappointed

I haven't talked about health issues in a while.  Some new ones have popped up and they may or may not be trivial.   My hair has started falling out and my fingernails split and break if I look at them the wrong way.

I went to an endocrinologist yesterday.  I wanted to rule out thyroid and get an explanation if not my thyroid.  The doc pretty much ruled out thyroid on spec and gave me no explanation.  Perhaps this is my personal cross to bear - living with things that aren't quite right and have no explanation about why they aren't quite right.

Another reason I went was my weight - D is convinced the gain and struggle to lose is due to PCOS.  The doc says I probably don't have PCOS.  Great.  I did so I do.  PCOS doesn't go away until menopause and I'm, based on hormone levels, years from that.

BUT... this got D and I to talking.  Perhaps the gain and struggle is more than PCOS.  Perhaps it's something we are both going to have accept:  people who have been morbidly obese most their entire lives have such deranged metabolisms that consistent normal food intake is just not feasible without weight gain or killing one's self with exercise.

The good news - amazing since my exercise has been all but non-existant lately: my blood pressure was 102/70.

The other good news - I met my goal of logging my food for two weeks.  Next goal: continue logging my food until Thanksgiving.