Breathe - it helps

I recently read (most of) Thich Nhat Hanh  and Dr. Lilian Cheung's book Savor.  It's a non-traditional, yet traditional guide to losing weight.  It's traditional in that it tells you the truth: to lose weight,  you must consume less energy than your body expends.  It's non-traditional in that it gives some ideas on how to come to peace with that fact and your body.  Mindful eating is prescribed.  It goes further than the chew slowly, chew often, put your utensils down between each bite.  It encouraging fostering a spiritual view of food and how our body uses.  It's peaceful and gentle.  I like that.

Through out the book, breathing meditations are offered.  They are simple. "Breathing in, I am aware of my breath.  Breathing out, I am aware of my breath"    And I make up my own now.  "Breathing in, I am aware of my hunger.  Breathing out, I embrace my hunger.  Breathing in, I calm my body.  Breathing out, I smile."   The last in/out is not 'made up', but comes from one of Thich Nhat Hanh's meditations.

What I am finding is that these SIMPLE breathing meditations are effective in helping me work through appropriate hunger.  They help me slow down.   I am calmer and not frantic about my weight.

Breathe - it helps.

Let's get real

One note about my weekly challenges - I'm getting real about my time constraints and I don't have time to log food on MFD and  on here.  I will log my food on MFD and simply post a yay or nay on my success here.

Over the past few weeks, I've been getting real about how I've been eating, drinking, and moving.   One of the things I realized is that I need to accept that I may need to have some short cuts.  One of my short cuts is having a protein smoothie for breakfast most days.   That comes from accepting that my body does not process starchy carbs as well as I would like and that I need higher levels of protein.  I don't have time to cook chicken and turkey to have for breakfast.  Nor do I really like chicken or turkey for breakfast.  I like yogurt and blueberries with granola for breakfast.   Healthy - but not quite what I need right now.  

This is a big deal for me.  My partner and I have basically eschewed most processed foods.  Most - not all.  And let's face it - whey protein powder, not matter how natural the ingredients were to start with, is a highly processed food.   But it's a short cut I'm willing to take.     That's a step towards being real about my limitations.

I just read a great post  - Why Your Weight Loss Diet Isn't Working - on Refuse to Regain (one of the best blogs for weight loss maintenance).  Dr. Berkeley tells it like it is - if it's not working, it's mainly due to diet - too many calories, and possibly too many starches & sugars.  Too much focus on exercise.   It was timely for me to read this blog today.

Another great blog about being real is Screaming Fat Girl.   The blog's writer is funny, honest and in my thinking - dead on with her observations about weight loss and management.  It's definitely worth a read!

Staying honest and banishing excuses is the best way I know to lose weight.   Quit playing head games and just do it.   That's my real challenge - every day.

Weekly Challenge Summary 6/19-6/25 - SUCCESS!

This week's challenge - drink 48 oz of water daily AND continue to log every bite.

RESULTS: 7/7!

Why do I want to do this challenge?

1.  Water is so necessary to good health and I'm not drinking enough these days

2.  Filling up on water will help me not feel so hungry between eating times

3.  Logging every bite keeps me accountable.

4.  Completing the challenge will boost my confidence that I can drop these extra lbs

5.  I really want the reward at the end of the week:  The sound track to Crazy Heart.

Daily Rewards:

Browse weight loss or knitting blogs for  15 minutes

Milestone rewards:

7/7:  Sound track to Crazy Heart

6/7:  A potted plant for my desk at work (I'll be reminded to nurture myself as I nurture it)

5/7:  A just for fun app for my iPad

4/7:  A new song for my iPhone

1-3/7: no rewards that cost money, but indulge in my daily reward

Wednesday, Thursday and Friday - I didn't have time to post my food and water consumption - but I did log on MFD and I met my challenge!

TUESDAY JUNE 22ND

Water - 56 oz (2 Camelbaks + 1 cup @ lunch)

Food:

2 cups of coffee with sugar and milk

Breakfast: protein shake made with frozen pineapple, almond milk and Designer Whey

Lunch: 1 1/2 veggie spring rolls, chicken coconut milk soup, fresh basil rolls

Snack: blueberres

Dinner: Beef tips and rice, steamed broccoli, roasted zucchini, fresh tomato slices, home made salad dressing, beer - less than 1/2 a bottle. Diet tonic, no gin, to drink later in the evening.

MONDAY JUNE 21st

Water - 48 oz (2 Camelbaks)

Food:

2 cups of coffee with sugar and milk

Breakfast: yogurt, blueberries, Arnold sandwich thins

Lunch: baked salmon flaked over lettuce greens for a salad, hummus, Arnold Sandwich thin

Snack: hummus, carrot sticks

Dinner: Quick chili with rice, salad with home made dressing, beer - less than 1/2 a bottle. Diet tonic, no gin, to drink later in the evening.

Chewing gum.

SUNDAY JUNE 20TH

Water - 80 oz (1 Camelbak, 3 Lifewater 0)

Food:

2 cups of coffee with sugar and milk

Breakfast: Peach smoothie - 1 1/2 cups low fat almond milk, 3/4 cup frozen unsweetened peaches, 1 egg.

Lunch: From a local burger joint (ie - non-chain and real food) - bacon, egg and cheese sandwich, 8 tater tots, and about 1/4 of a huge slice of coconut cake

Snack: no snack - sugarfree gum

Dinner: No dinner - not hungry. Made hummus -tasted that. Baked salmon for lunch tomorrow - tasted that. Diet tonic, no gin, to drink.

SATURDAY JUNE 19TH

Water - 72 oz (3 Camelbak's - I LOVE Camelbak's)

Food:

2 cups of coffee with sugar and milk

Breakfast: 1/2 deli flat

Lunch: Grilled chicken sandwich with a scant smear of mayo, apples and grapes - from Steak and Shake

1 taste (you know those tasting spoons that may hold 1/4 of a tsp?) of some kind of chocolate cake

Snack: deli flat with hummus and carrot sticks

Dinner: 2 3/4 oz grilled sirloin steak, some kind of creamy sauce that D made, salad with home made dressing, 3 olives, mashed potatoes, roasted zucchini, sliced tomato, 2 dinner rolls w/ butter, 2 glasses of wine, 2 gin and tonics.

I know that looks like a lot of dinner and well - it was. It's also about half the dinner I had been eating on Saturday nights. No wonder I was gaining weight.

Weekly Challenge Update

Today is the last day of my weekly challenge and so far so good.  I'll come back tonight or tomorrow and post yesterday and today's food.  I've been tracking in MFD and so far so good.

My weight is down 4 lbs since I started the challenges.

Noticing Changes in my thinking

Today, our office building management hosted a tenant appreciation barbecue.  I had ZERO interest in participating.  D saw they also had ice cream and suggested we go get an ice cream treat.  I replied that would counter productive to my losing weight.  I didn't even think about it before I said no.

I will admit - I thought about ice cream the rest of the day - especially at 3:30 and I was HUNGRY.  But, my determination prevailed.   The more I practice that NO muscle, the easier it will get to use it.

A Conscious Saturday

I have to be honest.  I have allowed myself to completely forget that I must manage my weight 7 days per week instead of 4.  Yesterday was my first Saturday in a while where I didn't just say to myself "Aww, screw it.  It's Saturday.  Get what you want."

I had planned on having lunch at Panera and had already set my order in my head.  D decided he wanted to have Steak and Shake instead of Panera.  So, on the way to the restaurant, I had MFD Mobile up on my iPhone and decided what I could have - a grilled chicken sandwich and a cup of fruit.  The fruit was good. The sandwich was nasty.  But I did it.  I stuck to my guns and didn't say screw it and end up with a hamburger and french fries in front of me.

I did the same thing at dinner - measured my steak (just under 3 oz) and filled my plate with veggies instead of mashed potatoes.   And I started the evening with diet tonic and lime sans gin.  I did have two gin and tonics before the evening was over, but I didn't over indulge last night.  And I feel GREAT today.

And I'm looking forward to a conscious Sunday too.

Victim Thinking

Yesterday morning, I revisited a list of reasons why I wanted to manage my weight.


I inserted one at the top:


2.  I feel better when I have control over my weight rather than giving it to outside factors


Writing that line reminded me of a conversation D and I had a few months ago.  He suggested to me that I needed to think about why I put myself in a victim role.  At the time I sort of bristled and replied that I had NEVER considered myself a victim.


But when I think about my attitude towards the challenges life has thrown in my weight management path, I realized that I was indulging in victim thinking:


I can't lose weight because of D's cooking
I can't lose weight because I don't have time to prepare my food the way I need it
I can't lose weight because I don't have time to exercise
I can't lose weight because of D's demands on my time
I can't lose weight because there's too much stress in my life


And the excuses go on ad nauseum.  To me, any reason for not being able to lose weight that isn't a true medical condition is simply an excuse.   And when I look at the reasons I've been repeating to myself, I realize I wasn't just making excuses - I was blaming.  Blaming puts me in the victim role.  I don't like that.


Yes, I have challenges to weight management.  We all do.   I'm not special.  When I first started this journey, I had no one in my life that I needed to consider.  D was there - helping me - but my journey didn't really intrude on his life.  Now it does.  And life in general has intruded on my journey.   So I can choose - remove the road blocks and just keep going - be it through, over, under or around the roadblocks.  Or - sulk and gain weight.


I'm not saying there wont be days where I sulk, but I am choosing to keep going.   A fellow MFD'er practices the Yoda diet - "There is no try.  There is only do."   And that is the mindset I am adopting.  No more victim thinking.

Weekly Challenge - June 12-18 Summary

June 12 - June 18, 2010

Results Summary:  7/7 - I DID IT!  I did log every bite and in the process, I lost 2 lbs.  It feels good.  See the weekly challenge page for my next challenge!


CHALLENGE:
For the next week, I will log every bite I put in my  mouth.  Thanks to What A Splurge for the inspiration.  Every bite DOES count.  Every teaspoon of sugar in my morning coffee DOES COUNT.  So   - for this week, I will log every bite that I put in my  mouth.  If I can't measure the food, I will at least right it down!

REWARD: 

Daily Reward:  15 minutes reading through my favorite weight management blogs

7/7 Days: A new book to read on my iPad - Something by Thich Nhat Hanh
6/7 Days: A new notebook for my knitting log (a pretty journal)
5/7 Days: A new pen - some girly color
4/7 Days: A new song on my iPhone
1-3/7 Days - no reward

RESULTS:

Friday June 18:

2 cups of coffee (sugar and milk)

Breakfast - Protein shake with coconut milk and 1/2 a banana

Lunch - chicken satay (4 small pieces) and shrimp satay (4 smaller pieces), 1/2 of a spring roll, a few bites of "rice macaroni"  (We went to a Vietnamese Fusion restaurant) and a 2 tsp of the broth from D's "stew" and small cube of potato from it as well.

Snack: blueberries and boiled egg.

Dinner:  D's beef and noodle concoction from Monday night, salad, and roasted zucchini.  Beer.  And since it's Friday  some gin and tonic cocktails  (Diet tonic)

Thursday June 17:

2 cups of coffee (sugar and milk)

Breakfast: 1 cup blueberries, 1 boiled egg,  2 tsp mayo, mustard

Lunch: Indian Buffet - basmati rice,pea salad, tandoori chicken, vegetables in a cream sauce, chicken in a cream sauce, chicken with fenugreek  ( I have no idea how much I ate, - but it was wonderful and I did take small portions - just tastes of some things)

Dinner: deli flat w/hummus

And in the spirit of being honest - 12pieces of sugarless chewing gum

Wednesday June 16:

2 cups of coffee (sugar and milk)

Breakfast: 1 cup blueberries, 1 boiled egg, 1 deli flat, 1 oz almonds, 2 tsp mayo, mustard

Lunch: 2.5 oz baked salmon, salad greens, 1 oz home made dressing


Dinner: barbecued pork tenderloin (3 3/8 oz), cole slaw, salad w/dressing, 4 oz beer


And in the spirit of being honest - 21 pieces of sugarless chewing gum




Tuesday June 15:
2 cups of coffee (sugar and milk)


Breakfast: 1 cup blueberries, 1 boiled egg, 1 deli flat, 1 oz almonds, 2 tsp mayo, mustard


Lunch: 2.5 oz baked salmon, broccoli (steamed), 1 TBSP home made dressing


Dinner: baked chicken, lady peas, rice, cole slaw, 4 oz beer


And in the spirit of being honest - 12 pieces of sugarless chewing gum


Monday June 14:
2 cups of coffee (sugar and milk)

Breakfast: 1/4 cup Greek, 3/4 cup blueberries, 1 boiled egg

Lunch: 2 oz baked salmon, lettuce greens, ranch dressing (1 TBSP), Pepperidge Farm deli flat

Snack: Carrot sticks hummus

Dinner:  Beef stroganoff (ground round, mushrooms, cream, sour cream - sigh), broccoli, tsp home made salad dressing, cole slaw, sliced tomato, 4 oz beer

And in the spirit of being honest - 24 pieces of sugarless chewing gum

Reward: Blog reading - The Weight It Is, and 2 others.

Sunday - June 13:  

Breakfast: 2 cups of coffee (sugar and milk), 1/2 Pepperidge Farm deli flat, smear of yogurt cheese (maybe a tsp), 3/4 cup blueberries.   

Snack:  Taste of cole slaw and salmon (cooking for the week), Iced white tea with sweet and low

Lunch: 1/2 Jersey Mike's ClubSub with no bacon, olive oil and vinegar instead mayo, Miss Vickie's chips, unsweet iced tea

Snack: 1 TBSP hummus, iced coffee

Dinner:  Fried pork chop (actually 2 oz of tenderloin that had been pounded almost flat), lady peas w/bacon, rice and gravy, cole slaw, sliced tomato,  4 oz beer.

Reward:  Read The Weight it Is,  The Lighter Perspective and

Saturday June 12:  
Breakfast: 2 cups of coffee - each with sugar (2 tsp) and whole milk,  a bite of leftover beef and potato casserole

Lunch:  1 chili dog (all beef), cole slaw, and maybe 8 french fries.

Snack: 1 Pepperidge Farm deli flats. 

Dinner: Steak and 1/2 of a baked potato with butter and greek yogurt.  Salad with home made dressing.  Wine. Yeast roll.  Gin and Tonics.

Reward - read Refuse to Regain, Lynn's Weigh, and Keeping The Pounds OFF

Have I finally done it?

I told a friend yesterday that I think I may have finally pulled my head out of my a$$ about my weight gain.   The challenge I gave myself for this week was really good in many ways:

1.  It was DOABLE
2.  It was SUSTAINABLE
3.  The rewards were FUN

And in the process of doing the challenge - I had to major (for me lately) successes: I turned down a homemade chocolate chip cookie and I walked away from the break room when it was filled with leftover goodies including brownies.

It's only a week and it is one day at a time.  And having 6 days behind me, I'm feeling stronger and more willing to apply discipline to my food choices.

The friend I mentioned in the first sentence has successfully lost 80 lbs and has maintained that loss for YEARS.  I never see her struggle with food.  But then, she eats what she wants, cuts back when she needs to and writes down every bite.   She gave me some great advice last Friday - start with the food.  Don't worry about exercise right now - start with the food.  It's 80-90 % of weight management.  She was right.  I was trying to do it all perfectly every day and the result was I was doing nothing at all every day.

My body is missing exercise and I will likely go for a nice walk tomorrow.  If not a walk, then a work out with Leslie Sansone.  But exercise isn't in my weekly challenges yet.  YET.

A good thing!

D and I went to Jersey Mike's for lunch.  I was hungry and I made the mistake of not planning my order before we got there and I ordered a regular # 8 - Club Sub with turkey, ham, provolone, mayo and bacon.

I watched as the counter guy PILED the meat on the sandwich.  He kept piling it on.  And the higher the stack of meat, the more my appetite shrank.  I wasn't hungry by the time we sat down.  

Fortunately I had the foresight to tell them to leave off the bacon and switch up the  mayo for oil and vinegar.  But the big savings grace on this was because I lost my appetite, I ate only half of the sandwich and some chips.  My calories are higher than I'd like them to be - but if I am careful at dinner (it's gonna be sinful so small portions) I'll be OK for the day.  No wine or gin tonight!

So what is the positive here?  This is the second time in about 3 weeks where I've lost my appetite when presented with too much food.  This is a good thing!

And on a separate note - I have given myself a weekly challenge:  Starting yesterday, I will log every bite that goes in my mouth.  EVERY BITE.  I got the idea from What A Splurge's post about the caramel candies.   I'll be tracking my progress on my Weekly Challenge Page.

Fighting Depression

And doing my best to be proactive about it.  I stepped on the scales yesterday.  Sigh - I don't even want to post the number - but well - honesty is honesty:  164.4.

I'm being kind and gentle to myself while still not rationalizing away that I am now 20 lbs heavier than my happy weight.

I've been pondering the notion that I probably do not need as many calories as I would like to eat on a normal basis.  In fact, I'm beginning to get the idea that just maybe I might only need  about 1300 calories a day to maintain the weight that is good for my height and frame.  That's not a lot of calories.  Especially for someone who likes to eat and sometimes self-medicates with food.

For now it means upping the veggies, lowering the starches.  Those are the changes I'm making this week.

Sigh. 2 days of eating lunch out, despite keeping an eye on portions and calories and my weight is up. And this is the ‘gluttony’ weekend. But it doesn’t have to be a gluttony weekend for me.

Anyway - today’s weight: 162.6 up from 161.4 yesterday. I will start averaging my weight again.

Also - my 6th period in a matter of 10 weeks or so. I started again yesterday. This time with cramps and clotting. Ah, the change is coming. The change is coming.

So, what is my plan for this weekend:

1. Eat a healthy breakfast both days - yogurt, blueberries and granola.
2. Take my black bean salad and regular salad greens for my lunch tomorrow. Eat 1 hamburger patty. No bread. No chips. Take some carrot sticks too.
3. Remember that I am ordering 2 lbs of barbecue to bring to D and I don’t need to try to get my six month’s fill in on Saturday night. I’ll go through the line one time and get reasonable amounts of the food I love. I will eat slowly and savor every bite - stopping when I am no longer hungry.
4. Take a walk with my brother Sunday morning.
5. Ask D to soak garbanzo beans for me so I can make more hummus

And what is my reward for sticking to my plan? The sound track to Crazy Heart. What a fantastic movie - and who knew Jeff Bridges could sing?!?!

OK - so I’m really good at plans and goals and stating rewards. I have a very bad habit of “out of site” out of mind. So I’m going to do a Judith Beck here. I’m going to see if I can find a way to ‘text’ my plans to me. I will definitely have them on both my iPhone AND my iPad. And I think I will write them down on an index card too.

I thinks this is where Judith Beck comes into play more so than Martha Beck. It is so easy to simply forget the goals.

Oh yeah - I should remind myself WHY I want to stick to my plan:

I want to stick to my plan this weekend because:

1. It will make me feel better about myself
2. I am in active weight loss mode - in the process of losing 7 lbs. Overeating this weekend will put me further away from the goal.
3. I really want the soundtrack.