My Food Diary.com

Rejoined.  I truly WANT to be able to eat intuitively and I'm moving the line towards that.  But here are two cold hard facts (I think they're facts - I'm going under the assumption they are):

1.  Obesity and then drastic (more than 2 lbs per week) has played havoc on my metabolism.  I can't have as much food as I want without killing myself with exercise and that is no longer an option.

2.  I have a little bit of an eating disorder.

I need to track my food - hunger levels (see #2), focus, satisfaction AND calories (see #1).

MyFoodDiary.com is, for me, the easiest online calorie tracker there is.  And I am willing to pay for it.

Where did April go?

I feel like I've lost a month.  Too many doctors' visits, busy and then not busy at work, busy and then not busy at Coosa Creek, and then to top everything off - I got sick.  For me - really sick.  I am much better, but  my ability to smell and tasted are still very impaired.

For several days this past week, I couldn't taste anything but sweet and salt.  So what did I do? I ate sweet and salt.   Obviously too much.

I gained 5 lbs in April.  I feel it.  I wasn't surprised.

I'm not making excuses.  I ate too much.

The Slow Down Diet is easy.  Just a few gentle guidelines - things to do before eating. Why the f___ can't I remember to do them until AFTER I've gulped down breakfast, lunch, that huge handful of potato chips, etc?  This has been my nemesis from day 1.

I'm still convinced that the Slow Down plan (not calling it a diet) is the right way for me to eat.  I'm a stress eater and I have too much, self-created, stress in my life.  The plan helps alleviate it -if I remember to follow the simple steps.  You know - like breathing.

So - here I am,  May 1st.  Seems like a good day to make a change.   Here's  what I'm thinking I can do for my work food - Put a note to myself on the top of each and every container of food I take to work.  That note will list the 5 things I should do prior to eating.  That's my goal for this week.  I'll check in next week.

Checking In

While I didn't have great eating days last week, I did delay my eating (met that goal) and I drank my water (met that goal) and I posted my progress.  So, I'm calling last week a success in my baby step journey back to my happy and healthy weight.

I don't plan to post my weight, but once a month - on the first of each month.  My goal for March will be to lose 4 lbs and I will do this by weighing my food (when at home), choosing healthier options in restaurants,   drinking my water and increasing my movement.

Of course, my first goal is to shake this crud so I actually feel like moving more.

Feeling strong and grateful

So, just a few days into publicly being accountable for my goals and asking for help - I feel stronger and incredibly grateful.  One of the women I want to grow up to be happens to be a co-worker who has maintained an 80-something lb weight loss for I don't know how many years.  I would have never have guessed she had ever been overweight.  C was the first co-worker I enlisted to help me.  She is IM'ing me a couple of times a day to remind me to drink my water and is so proud of me when I reply "I'm about to pee my pants."   W and C have also been recruited.  Their support is wonderful  - so a big thank you goes out to them.

And Kelly and Stacy - thanks for dropping by and leaving comments.  It really does help to know people are reading and following along.  And I know for myself that sometimes I think  - "I need to go back and post a comment" and then never do.  So I really do appreciate your taking the time to leave comments.

Another plus is coming from this. I suddenly seem to be so much more in tune with my body's real needs.  And it REALLY needed hydration.  Just two days into getting my 6 cups a day and I've started craving water.  This is good.

And by being hydrated, I have noticed that during meals, I start to feel uncomfortably full - halfway into my meal.  I take a few more bites and stop.  This has never happened before.  I like it.

I splurged today - on knitting needles. Lovely Lantern Moon size 8's - straight.  They are so beautiful.  I can't wait to cast on with them.  I have some oh so so soft alpaca that is in my line of vision and I think the alpaca and Lantern Moons are going to be good friends.

I finished my mittens.  They just need to be blocked.

Two Topics - Accountability and Don't Go Hungry Questions - Revisited

Accountability 

Yesterday was a doozie when it comes to my eating.  I did everything like I did when I weighed 210 lbs.  I wanted to eat, I ate.   There are some exceptions:  I didn't hit the vending machine so I stuck to my boundary about not eating anything I didn't bring from home.  Another is that a much smaller quantity of food now makes me miserable.  That's it though.

I ate mindlessly.  I ate crap - real food, but not healthy food.  And by the time I went to bed last night, my stomach ACHED.   So not only did I have a sore back, I had an aching stomach.  Hmm - was I looking for balanced pain?   

No, I was looking for comfort in all the wrong places. By the time I got home from work, I was in real state of self-pity.   I indulged it big time.  Comfort food for dinner followed by cookie dough.   It expanded in my stomach and well....

Now for the big difference between now and 210 lbs.  I stepped on the scale this morning.  They were up 3 lbs.   I know I didn't eat enough to gain 3 lbs, but I probably did gain at least one.  The thing is - I held myself accountable for my actions.  Not stepping on the scales may have sent the message "I didn't weigh myself so what I ate last night doesn't count."   That is a very dangerous message and one that sends me on a slippery slide UP the scales.   My point is - pick at least one tool to use consistently that will give you feedback on your efforts.  Use that tool to hold yourself accountable.  It truly can make the difference between weighing 150 lbs or weighing 210 lbs.

Now for the Don't Go Hungry Questions.

I'm adding one:   Will this food still be with me 3 hours from now?   And if the answer is yes, I need to rethink eating it.   One thing I'm learning is that when I eat too much (even if only a little too  much) in one sitting, I will be  miserable for hours.   What I want to do is use that knowledge to stop the eating too much pattern.   I'd rather eat a little more often and have a happy tummy.

Getting Lost in the Numbers

I spent the morning logging my dinner from last night: 1/2 of a filet mignon browned in a little bit of butter and then finished off in the oven, lyonnaise potatoes (sliced potatoes, dotted with a little bit of butter, thin strips of sweet onion and unsalted beef stock, baked to crispy yumminess), salad with homemade dressing, wine, bread, butter.  My first estimate came up to be well over 1000 calories.  WHAT?  No way.  My partner agreed.  We started looking at my estimates.  "No, I didn't put but about 1 TBSP of butter in the potatoes"  "No, you steak was only about 4oz"  "No, you did not eat 1 1/2 TBSP of butter."   With some adjustments to my overestimating, I did get my meal down to under 1000 calories, barely.    

Then I made the comment to my partner "I'm not THAT worried about it, I did exercise and burned off about 300 calories."  He remarked "you're not taking into account your BMR, nor all the activity you had yesterday.  Bring up the firewood probably burned 300 calories."   I'm not sure about that.  I was figuring maybe 150 tops.

What I am sure about though, is that I'm basing all my numbers on estimates.  I estimate my calories burned.  It's an informed estimate  - I use a heart rate monitor.  I estimate the calories I consume.  Again  - informed estimates.  I weigh  most of my foods and I use MyFoodDiary or NutritionData to get the caloric contents.  I estimate the amount of calories I need to net out each day to lose weight.  Again - informed through  MyFoodDiary.com.    But all the numbers are estimates.

I could go to my doctor and spend lots of money getting tests done to more scientifically determine my basal metabolic rate.  It would still be an estimate.   I could spend tons of money sending off samples of my yogurt to a food lab to get accurate nutritional information on my recipe.  But I don't need to.  Nor do I want to.  I don't want to go through life obsessed with numbers.  It's much easier to aim for the guidelines.  They work well enough.

Please don't misunderstand.  I think it's incredibly important to know what 3 oz of chicken looks like on your plate.  To do that, you need to weigh your portions of chicken (or beef or pork, etc) for quite some time.  Then you can start eyeballing it.  But sometimes,  just to stay honest, you need to weigh it.   Same thing with a half  a cup or rice or a TBSP of butter.  

It's also important to know how much (using highly informed estimates) you eat each day.  I don't mean to get lost in how much fat, carb or protein.  I mean, did I eat 2000 calories or a reasonable 1500 calories?   And did I eat healthfully or did I gorge on sugar, carbs and fat?  

Exercise - I don't worry so much about how much I burn any more.  When I did that, I played mind games to justify poor eating choices.  Now, I just exercise and track that I did it.  I do wear a HRM so I can keep an eye on my heart rate to make sure I'm exercising at the right intensity.  But I don't add calories to my daily allowance when I exercise.  

So, yes - I know my numbers (estimates) but I don't get lost in them.  Makes life a bit more simple.

There Is No Magic Pill

**** Warning: Major Rant Follows ****

I think by now if you follow this blog, you know I use an Internet site to track my calories and get tons of support from some very wise people.  Every now and then someone will ask about using the latest diet gimmick being marketed and it almost invariably makes my blood boil.  I hate it that there are still "Snake Oil" frauds out there trying to bilk people out of their money.   Repeat after me:

THERE IS NO MAGIC PILL   THERE IS NO MAGIC PILL   THERE IS NO MAGIC PILL

What does work?  Consistency, planning, determination, a sound diet, exercise and most importantly - the right mindset.  If you go into a diet thinking it's a temporary thing, then the weight loss will also be temporary.  And that could be more harmful to the body than being a few pounds overweight.  

Instead of thinking "I need to lose weight"  think "I need to manage my weight better.  I can do that by making some changes to help me shed a few pounds and then maintain that weight."    Weight management.  It includes loss and sustained effort to maintain.   I'm proof positive of that.  I stopped taking as much as effort as I needed to maintain my weight and now I'm off track a bit and need to right my course.  (see Keeping the Pounds Off for more on this great analogy)

And while I was off course, there was part of my mind looking for that magic pill.  I wanted to drop those extra pounds fast.  What happened?  I'd take a drastic almost hateful approach and lose two lbs.  I'd loosen the seatbelt too much and then gain 2 or 3 lbs.  Rinse and repeat.   It's so easy to fall into this.

But I got my head right (and rant on here to help keep it right) and am taking a healthier, gentler approach that will facilitate successful weight management to regain and maintain my healthy weight.  Wow - that takes longer to say that "I'm dieting and need to lose a few" but it sure does feel healthier to say that to myself.  

My head's no longer in the sand about my weight and how I gained a few lbs.  I'm no longer looking for the magic pill.  And I feel strong and healthy.  I know I'll get back to my happy weight.  And I'm confident I'll stay in the happy range because I won't have achieved the happy weight thru gimmicks.  

Calories Count on Saturdays and Sundays, too

Come Friday, I'm almost always ready to for some fun - a reward for surviving the work week.  And on Saturdays, my brain goes into 'weekend' mode - time for more fun.  While I've long given up what used to be my Friday night reward - out for untold numbers of beers and then giving into the munchies - I still struggle with weekend thinking.

My partner and I make Saturday nights "Date Night" and he always cooks a fantastic meal for me.  He uses real food - no imitation anything.  Butter, cream, sugar, oil, sour cream, etc.  If the recipe calls for it he uses it without thinking there may be a substitution that will work just as well.  He's a food purist this way.   Last night's dinner was steak (filet mignon), twice-baked potato, salad, bread, and wine.  And I enjoyed every bit of it.   Too much of it.  Especially the wine.  Why?  Because I caved and had a pre-dinner cocktail.  That led to another pre-dinner cocktail.  I was hungry and the booze hit  me and my brain got a bit fuzzy.  So when it came time to eat dinner, while I asked myself the "Don't Go Hungry" questions, I ignored the answers.  And I ignored my stomach telling me it was full.   I honestly think had I waited until after dinner to start drinking the booze, I would have heeded my body better. 

On MyFoodDiary.com, I'm the host of a support group for staying the weight management course on the weekends.  I quite often feel like a fraud.  This morning is one of those times. I didn't have a plan for making sure I didn't over-eat.  I had all sorts of goals for this weekend - and have met most of them.  But I didn't think about how to handle the booze.  Didn't make it a consideration, even though I know that if I get fuzzy, I tend to ignore my body's signals.

I'm not beating myself up.  I'm taking the lesson with me.  And next weekend - I'll stick to hot tea before dinner.  

Weekends count.  When I started the group, there was a response that really gave me pause: 

"Do you stop wearing your seatbelt on the weekends?"    

Our weight management plan is our seatbelt.  And while the plan may allow for some indulgences, totally ignoring it is like not wearing our seatbelt.   I feel safer with my seatbelt on - so next weekend, my plan will include a strategy for managing the booze.  

About the Scales - the bathroom scales

"So don't force the numbers. They'll come. Here is your job today: adhere to a winning pattern of action that you know will produce results if you follow it consistently."   View entire article here

This great quote was given to me by a fellow MFD'er and it comes from a website I intend to investigate much more thoroughly: Hussman Fitness

But for now, I want to talk about my disappointment, resignation, and acceptance of a number this morning.  The number on the bathroom scale.  I didn't like what it showed.  

Many people who struggle with their weight decide the bathroom scale (or the one at the gym or the doctor's office) is enemy #1 and should avoided at all costs.  I see these reasons often given:

• The fluctuations make me crazy
  
• I can't deal with the disappointment
  
• If the scale reflects success, I take it as permission to splurge (I'm guilty of this one)
  
• If the scale is up, despite my being faithful to plan, then I say 'what the hell' and give up
  
• What does a number matter?
  

Excuses.  That's all these are.  And yes, I know that's a harsh statement, but it's true.  I avoided the scales all the way to 211 lbs.  I was fat (obese), unhealthy and depressed and avoiding facing the truth.  Guess what people - avoiding facing the truth, for emotional eaters, can cause triggers to go off which can turn on the "I NEED TO EAT" screaming voice.  

The scale serves as tool to show you how well you're adhering to your weight management plan.  No, it does not take into account water retention from eating processed foods.  Or hormonal fluctuations, etc.  But those typically are minor blips that self correct.  What the scale does do is show a trend.  Steady, down, or up.   And it allows you to make minor tweaks when necessary.

I avoided the scales for the past week.   It was intentional - I knew the number would be up as I'd eaten way too much fat, sugar, and processed foods over the holidays.  So, I gave myself a few days to return to a normal eating pattern.  Then I weighed.  Didn't like the number but I now have a baseline from which to assess my weight management success.

The scale alone can't do that - if tomorrow's weight is up from today and I did everything per plan, then there are more factors to consider.  However, if the next day trends up too, then I have an indicator that I may need to look at my behavior.  Am I REALLY following the plan?  Am I measuring the butter?  Am I drinking my water?  Am I sloppy in my logging?

So, alone, the scale can be quite frustrating.  But it can and should be used as a signal to assess the effectiveness of your weight management efforts.  And I do use the tool daily.

More Planning....

... and thinking about doing something I hate doing.  Buying yet another book on diet.  Actually two books.  Judith Beck's new one (I gave my initial copy away) and then one called Refuse to Regain by Barbara Berkeley who maintains the great blog, Refuse to Regain  I keep hearing great things about them over on MyFoodDiary.com.

Whenever I feel like I'm wanting to buy a book on dieting, or look into some diet program, little red flags go up.  It's like I think I don't have the answers within myself and I must seek the 'magic pill' from without.  That said, these two books are more about practicing weight management activities in a consistent manner.  Berkeley's book does prescribe a diet, but it's one I typically try to follow (with some exceptions) anyway.  Beck's just says to pick a plan and stick with it.

Do I need more re-enforcement in this area? Or do I need to work on not being so obsessed about it and tying my self-worth to my weight?  Can the two go hand in hand?

I don't know.  I'm rambling.

Getting Ready

Judith Beck (The Beck Diet Solution) advocates getting the mind ready for a weight loss program.  Her book offers a series of daily exercises to practice - and the first week is all about getting the mind ready.

I'm not willing to follow the structure of Beck's program (yet), but I am willing to take some ideas she has and put them to use in my own program - which is more aligned with Martha Beck's The Four Day Win.

I'm also willing to use Dr. Amanda Sainsbury-Salis's  approach to identifying hunger and satiety levels before and after eating.

One of Judith Beck's exercises is to identify all the reasons you want to lose weight and write those down and review them several times a day.  One of Sainsbury-Salis's approaches is to give yourself a pause before & eating to assess your hunger and satiety levels.  She also takes it further by suggesting you ask yourself questions about your food choices:  

1.   How will this feel as I eat it?

2.   How will this food feel as soon as I've finished eating it?

3.   How will this food feel in my stomach an hour after I've finished eating?

4.   How will this food feel in my stomach 2-3 hours after I've finished eating?

Martha  Beck's approach is to set a goal, simplify the goal until it is almost impossible to not do it and the do it for 4 days.  Reset, go.

What I'm finding is that I start my days with good intentions to assess my hunger levels and ask the 'how will this feel' questions.  But I forget to do it.  Here's where Judith Beck comes into play.  She's big on fixing the forgetting to do it part by keeping the reasons in front of you.  What I'm going to do is keep the questions in front of me.  Or at least in front of my food.  I pack my breakfast and lunch every day.  I'm going to include a card with those questions written on it each day. A card for each meal and I'm going to write the answers down on the card.  And the post my results on the weight management site I use - MyFoodDiary.com

And I'm going to set this as a 4-Day Win, a la Martha Beck.

I think I'm taking the best of the three top 'diet' advisors out there and combining some of their solutions to make my own plan to address my own shortcomings.   

I also believe in accountability.  I haven't been posting here on a regular basis for some time.  I'm looking at how I can improve that.  

Starting Over

This year has brought lots of change to  my life and I haven't been very successful at keeping my weight where I want it to be.  Basically, I've panicked and gone extreme on my approach to getting the extra pounds off and the extremes have triggered many slips.  The result - my weight has stagnated (that's good) higher than I want it to be (that's bad).

I've been thinking how I can be more balanced in my approach to losing.  It needs to be methodical and almost mindless. 

 I've looked up the number of calories needed to maintain a weight of 125 lbs.  1500 or so.    My plan is to eat about 1400 calories per day and to exercise 30 minutes per day, six days per week.  This should result in weight loss.

To do this, I need to get back to basics: planning and preparation. 

Additionally, I'm going to re-introduce Martha Beck's The Four-Day Win approach to changing behaviors around food.  And I'm going to introduce Amanda Sains-Salisbury's The Don't Go Hungry approach to gauging hunger and making appropriate food choices.

And who knows, I might start posting here a bit more regularly.

That's it for now.

Checking In

Have I written about accountability? Being honestly accountable to yourself about your efforts is critical to successful weight management. And sometimes it's not pretty...

I weighed myself this morning and my week of giving in to inexplicable hunger registered on the scale. I'm up almost 5 lbs. Not good. Some of it is water weight and some of it is true excess weight.

What did I do or didn't do that could have prevented this? I did eat without paying attention. I didn't log what I ate. That's it - very simple. Action=Consequence. I know me well enough to know that I MUST pay attention and I MUST log what I eat.

What's next? First, I have to acknowledge what I did do:

I did get my exercise program back in gear - I added yoga. I did the strength training three times. I did the NordicTrack 4 times and I walked 4 times. Or was it five? That's all the good stuff. Unfortunately, my knees are killing me and I need to take a break from the NordicTrack and possible all the squats and lunges I do in the strength training. So - what's next?

Food plan: I need to think about it some. My partner has advised he's eating a light lunch so he can have dinner with me. Urgh. I prefer to have a very light dinner (some would call it a snack) so I need to reverse my eating a bit. I can do that. Just need to think about it some more. Two things I am implementing immeidately: semi-fasts on Fridays and Mondays. The reason for this is to create a calorie deficit to offset the excess calorie intake on the weekends. My partner and I like to eat out on the weekends and also have a really nice meal with wine on Saturday nights. While I do usually make fairly decent choices when we eat out, I still eat too much. And get too much sodium. So - less food on Fridays and Mondays and more water on Fridays and Mondays. I can do it.

Exercise plan: No NordicTrack for a week. I will walk or do Leslie Sansone DVD's for my cardio.

The plan's totals:
Cardio: 5x (average 250-300 calorie burn per day)
Strength Training: 2x - I'm breaking the full body sessions into arms and legs and will repeat twice
Yoga: 2x
Abs: 5x

Food plan:
Monday & Friday: Calories consumed <=1200 Tuesday - Thursday: Calories consumed <=1400 Saturday & Sunday: Calories consumed <=1600 Water consumption: Monday & Friday: 96 oz Tuesday - Thursday: 64 oz Saturday & Sunday: 80 oz I can do this. I know I can. I've done it before. Just got to get my head back in the right place. I am joining a weight loss challenge for April on MyFoodDiary. Whoever loses the highest % will get $5 from each participant. That's it - no crazy have to exercise to burn x number of calories, etc. Just lose weight. I like that. I'll check in on my goals next week.