This is what 40 lbs looks like

I'm not beating myself up here - just showing that I have gained weight and am kindly and gently working to return to a happy healthy weight.

Here I am March of  2008 - celebrating 2 years of maintaining my weight loss:

And here I am today - just about 40 lbs heavier:

Isn't that amazing?  

Old Habits Rearing Their Heads....

So, I'm back at work this week and to be honest, I'm finding it very difficult to focus on my food when I'm eating.  I'm eating until the food is gone - not until I no longer enjoy the food.

This is my next hurdle in moving the line towards my happy health - making time to eat with focus at work.

I've got all the roadblocks already in my head:

1. Our break room is one of the most uninviting places I've been - I don't want to eat there
2. I don't have time to actually take a break
3. My food isn't conducive to taking outside to eat

I don't have the roadblocks cleared in my head yet... but I will be thinking about this.    I can't do anything about #1 - but #2-3 are all within my control.  So I'll be focusing on removing those two roadblocks.

I have way too much to say today!

And it's not coming out in one post.  Sorry.

I read Karen's After the Before and After blog today (LOVE that blog and Karen is great!) and learned it's Love Your Body Day.

I think I may have written here (at least once or twice) that I don't remember NOT being on a diet and NOT being obsessed with my weight at the same time.  Ever.

I am not on a diet now and I'm really trying hard to ease the obsessing about my weight/body size and what to do about it.  Why? Because I deserve to love my body NOW.  As it is now.

And as it was before the before and after, as it was during, and as it was after.  This is the only body I have and despite what I've done to it, it's served me well:

It got me through 20 years of obesity and depression.
It got me through 6 months of Optifast
It got me through 2 years of brute force weight management
And it's now getting me through the next phase of my journey: moving the line

My legs are not as strong as they were, but they are still strong.  My hands are agile, though they hurt some times.  My back hurts all the time - and it reminds me to be gentle.

And as I type this - I have learned I have some body work to do: I didn't mention my abdomen, my butt, or my breasts.  I can't think of how those parts of my body have served me.  But I can certainly think of all the awful things I've said about them.  How I've tried to pretend they aren't there.  Hide them.

That hurts as type.  Makes me sad.  And it gently and quietly inspires me to stay the course.  To move the line.

So - to my body - my entire body - Thank you.

A Rainy Day and Some Reflection

So a couple of posts ago, I said I was going to be working on getting my mind back to it's right place.

And through raking I can't begin to tell you how many leaves and then moving those same leave, and learning my plan to naturalize daffodils in the perfect spot was not viable, I started to get there.  And yesterday on the Blue Ridge Parkway helped me get there a bit more.

I think keeping the mind in the right place is a daily exercise.  One I haven't really been doing for about three years.  Various reason, perhaps more excuses than reasons.  But the bottom line is that I let my mind get almost all the way back to "Old Maura."

Almost.  But there are some "Old Maura" patterns that I have successfully refused to fall back to: McDonald's for breakfast and lunch,  bowls of rice, grits or pasta for dinner.  Not no, but hell no.  So, right now, this very minute - I'm giving myself a pat on the back.  I have successfully drawn a line in the sand and not crossed it.

It's now time to move that line a little bit closer to where I ultimately want it to be.

And here's where the mind comes into play.  Relaxing as I have over the past few days, I've realized that a good bit of mind work is actually the result of doing, not thinking.  Oh boy howdy - do I love to think!  I'll think about my next plan to lose weight.  I'll think about my next plan to work out.  I'll think it. Say it. And then stop.

The line doesn't get moved back to where it needs to be for me to be healthy, happy and fit.  And I beat myself up.  I eat.  Rinse and repeat.

I've learned a lot in the past few years.  Set goals.  Exercise.  Acknowledge Success.  Be Grateful.  Practice Discipline.  Do everything mindfully.

And I've done none of it consistently.  I get bored or distracted or to be honest, just plain forget.  Then say Oh damn!

I have an appointment with an endocrinologist week after next.  I mentioned to my husband that I am truly hopeful she is going to be able to help me get rid of the hair on my face. (One of the symptoms of PCOS) His response was "I hope she can help you manage your weight.  You don't eat enough in my presence to weigh what you do."   Dear husband has promised to go with me to the doctor when I go to hear the results of the blood work.  At that time, I think he'll learn that hamburgers and hot dogs and pizza more than once or twice a year just won't work for me.  And he may also learn that white rice, bread and pasta are poison to someone with PCOS.  I've told him.  He doesn't believe it.  But that's another issue.

I decided that if the doc was going to be able to help me with my weight (and I hope that too), then she's going to need to know what I typically eat.   Ugh - a food log.

Yep.  A food log.   Here's me doing: I am committing to keeping a food journal from now until November 2nd.   I downloaded an app today - it's not a calorie counter app. It's a log to help me also keep track of hunger levels and how mindfully I eat.  I am committing to keeping my food journal in this app from now until November 2nd.

Hubby won't like it.  He doesn't like most weight management tools. But tough.  I took out my iPhone and took a pic of  my lunch today:  1/2 a grilled turkey and swiss on whole wheat with a cup of home made chicken noodle soup.  Lots of chicken, not so many noodles. Yum.

So, this post has been rambling.  I'll try to some it up here.  Getting the mind in the right place and keeping it there takes daily diligence.  I choose to practice that diligence now by keeping a food log every day.  And on the days I can - a few minutes of quiet introspection.

I sense the woman who gave me the advice recently has given up on me.  I am sorry about that if it's the case.  However, I'm not doing this for her or anyone else.  I'm doing this for me.  And dammit - I'm gonna do it my way.  And I'm going to succeed.

A Dose of Honesty

Recently, a well-meaning woman wrote to me privately that she believed I've been self-sabatoging myself for the past three years.  Hmmm.

I've been thinking about that.  Though I disagree with her approach to weight maintenance - she's an exercise fiend and I don't think that's sustainable, I have a ton of respect and admiration for what she's accomplished - the amount of weight loss and keeping it off for three years.  Her approach is obviously working for her at this time.  And when there's a rankle, there's some truth.  So, I've been thinking about it.

Yesterday, I wrote that one of my biggest challenges is all the food in the office.  My thoughts on how much food is in the office belongs to another post.  Let's just say it's wrong.  But more importantly, when I re-read that post this morning, I thought to myself.  Hmmm.  Perhaps {insert name here} is correct.  Not necessarily in the sense she described, but there is some self-sabotage going on.  I'm naming obstacles left and right.  But never the biggest one:  my mind.

My mind is no longer in the right place.  And I do very much believe that if the mind is in the right place, then the obstacles become less and less of a distraction.

I'm going to be somewhat unplugged for the next week.  Oh, I'll have as much access to the internet as I desire.  But I desire to plant 100 daffodil bulbs instead.  I desire to knit instead.  I desire to read instead.  And while I'm planting bulbs and knitting and reading, I'm gonna be working on my mind.

I will not return to the former days of weight management by brute force.  It's not in me to do so.  However, a little bit of discipline can go a long long way. And one does not become one's best self without a little bit of discipline.

So, {insert name here}, if you're still checking on me, know that your comments are being well considered - not summarily dismissed.  And thank you.

OK - I only slowed down the runaway train

Yesterday didn't go as planned.  I ate some cake.

And it also hit me that my work environment is probably my biggest challenge.  At my old job, I was not an administrative assistant (ie, someone who deals with lunch orders for meetings) nor was there that much food brought in for lunch.  It was officially frowned upon.  Not so much where I work now.  And because I'm an admin, I have to deal with the food.

And I have this thing about food, if I see it and it looks good, I want to eat it.  Hungry or not.

I'm on vacation next week and will have some downtime and I plan to explore ways to 1) limit my exposure to the food in the office and more importantly 2) remember to follow my own guidelines when it comes to eating:  only when I'm truly hungry and only until I am no longer truly hungry.

I've finally accepted the fact that at almost 50 years of age, I have to learn how to eat.

And I'm going to do so - because I deserve to be my best self.

Stopping the Runaway Train

Yesterday was one of those days.  Before lunch I felt completely out of control with my work.  I know why and I finally found some time yesterday afternoon to come up for air and at least take a look at what was on my plate so I could feel comfortable that nothing was slipping through the cracks.

BUT... I didn't breathe through the process and I ate cookies from Jason's deli.  And later in the afternoon, I was about to grab another and, but wait... I stopped myself:  "No, you're not hungry and you don't really want that."   I think this is the first time I have ever stopped myself in that manner.

Scarfing down cookies that really aren't that great before assessing if I'm hungry definitely falls into the not good category.  Stopping myself from doing it again definitely falls into the good category.

Today's challenge:  even more delectable sweets that really are good.  I don't need them or want them right this minute.  And I'm putting up calendar reminders this morning to tell myself to breathe.  And I'm going to breathe myself right through not indulging in those sweets today.

Week 2 update for Ten in Ten

I guess the biggest update is that I left the group.  What I thought was a thoughtful response to the criticism I received for my decision resulted in numbers being thrown at me.  I don't have time for that kind of crap and I was quite disappointed that was what was offered.

I know my life and what I can do and I'm sticking to that.

So - I'm on my own and I'll post my own challenges and updates here.  Why not?

So the check in is not as good as last week's:  I'm up .8 lb - 178.8.

This week's goals:

• Consume less alcohol at night - ie, skipping the evening cocktail until Wednesday (our mid week "date night")
• Log my food and hunger levels.  
• Stay hydrated
• Remember to breathe when the stress hits.

That's it for now.

An Awe-filled weekend

Today is my husband's birthday and to celebrate, we spent to extra days at our haven in North Georgia.  We splashed around in the swimming pool - and I experienced a first: I skinny dipped.  I now understand the appeal and plan to be butt naked in my swimming pool as often as possible.  Thankfully where we live is very secluded!

As I sipped my coffee each morning, I watched hummingbird wargames at their feeder.  My goodness those little buggers are fast.  It's hard to believe how this beautiful little bird whose image is often used to invoke tranquility can be so very aggressive!  It must have something to do with getting all the energy necessary to make their annual flight across the Gulf of Mexico.   Until then, I'll enjoy watching their wargames.

And then there was Baby.  Baby is a black bear.  About 250 lbs of black bear and he (we think & hope) has a major penchant for sunflower seeds.  And if you haven't guessed already, D and I feed the birds - black sunflower seeds.  We figured he was a nocturnal to dawn thief and didn't think anything at all about traipsing off our porch to go get a bite to eat.  We had one surprised bear, 2 surprised humans and one very dead bird feeder.  We'll find another bird feeder - one that is hopefully a bit more bear proof.   I don't care if Baby noshes our birdseed as long as he remembers to run away when we surprise him.  The image of this incredibly powerful animal trotting off to the border of our yard, every once and a while looking to see if we were still there, will be forever with me.  I am in in total awe of Baby.

This is not Baby - but you can get the picture...

And at this moment, I'm in awe of myself too.  For the past few days, I have actually listened to my body and paid it attention.  I put my fork down.  More than once.

It is my hope that as D and I spend more and more time with the bears, hummingbirds, deer, and frogs, that I will never lose the awe I have of them.

I can have as much as I want

Last night, D and I were talking about family and I mentioned that my maternal grandfather was the only one who loved me unconditionally. I related the story of how he caught raiding my grandmother's Christmas goodies and instead of jumping my case about it he asked, "Sure does taste good, doesn't it, honey?" It was so different from the shaming remarks my mother would have made had she been the one who had caught me. And of course, that is the reason I was sneaking to begin with.

Back to last night - after I relayed the story, it hit me that I later felt like I had to sneak love and that perhaps I was sneaking "love" when I was a child too. D was about to start "helping" me by offering his opinion and I stopped him. I told him I had to get my head around some things and that I did that by writing. Which I did a few minutes ago.

And what I discovered was that for the sneak eating, I really did not have to delve deeply into why I did it as a child. I did it because I was constantly being told I couldn't have as much of whatever food it was that I wanted.

Why I did it back then doesn't matter except that I can learn more about myself now as I explore why I do it now. There's really not that much to explore. I sneak eat for the same reason I did back then: I'm rebelling against anyone who tells me what to eat, how much to eat, or to stop eating.

But the thing is, I CAN eat as much food as my BODY wants. Not my head or my mouth, but my body.

I've listening to Geneen Roth's Women, Food, and God during my commutes to and from work. I love listening to her - she's so calm and funny and real. Ive found myself actually listening to my body and trying give it what it wants, not what my head uses to swallow feelings. And in feel lighter spiritually than I have in a very long time. I'm happy. I like that.

I highly recommend another book for one women's insights as she makes peace with herself after weight loss: After the Before and After by Karen Anderson. I also recommend Geneen Roth's books.

Eat in Public Wednesdays

This is a weight related blog - just  because I feel the need to write a little and set my intention.

Slow Down Tuesday last week didn't work so well.  It seems to me that I remember what I'm supposed to do AFTER I do what is not good for my body.  But last night, I stopped myself in mid lick when one of Geneen Roth's guidelines popped in my head:  Eat with the intent of being seen.

D had made a wonderful rosemary mustard sauce - cream based.  And I was indulging in sneak eating as I cleaned.  Until that rule popped in my head.  And I actually stopped - I didn't wait until today.  I stopped mid-lick.   That rule resonated.  

So today, I will eat as if I'm eating in public, even if I'm alone at my desk.

Update on the Million Bells - I so wish D hadn't decided HE had to save it.  He won't listen to me and I know it needs more sun than it's getting.  It's not looking very happy.

A quick rant- typical southern food DOES NOT make you fat!

I got a little bent out of shape yesterday - once again traditional southern food has been touted as the cause for obesity. It's not.

Lots of baby steps today

I left work sort of on time for once.  And when I got home, I announced to D that I was going to do something novel: workout.   A real, honest to God, sweat-making workout.

For the first time since I started losing weight, Leslie Sansone was hard. And I feel really good about sticking with it and getting two miles in.  Stupid pedometer only registered 3 miles.

And I made a decision about journaling.  It's gonna be a bit too hard to start a regular practice each morning.  So - I will journal on the weekends and do sun salutations every morning.  That's my plan and I start tomorrow morning.

Acknowledgements of what I did well today:

1.  Ate more slowly
2.  Paid more attention
3.  Reminded myself I could be hungry for an hour
4.  Worked out
5.  Really enjoyed 2 Godiva gems. (dark chocolate, of course)

Where did April go?

I feel like I've lost a month.  Too many doctors' visits, busy and then not busy at work, busy and then not busy at Coosa Creek, and then to top everything off - I got sick.  For me - really sick.  I am much better, but  my ability to smell and tasted are still very impaired.

For several days this past week, I couldn't taste anything but sweet and salt.  So what did I do? I ate sweet and salt.   Obviously too much.

I gained 5 lbs in April.  I feel it.  I wasn't surprised.

I'm not making excuses.  I ate too much.

The Slow Down Diet is easy.  Just a few gentle guidelines - things to do before eating. Why the f___ can't I remember to do them until AFTER I've gulped down breakfast, lunch, that huge handful of potato chips, etc?  This has been my nemesis from day 1.

I'm still convinced that the Slow Down plan (not calling it a diet) is the right way for me to eat.  I'm a stress eater and I have too much, self-created, stress in my life.  The plan helps alleviate it -if I remember to follow the simple steps.  You know - like breathing.

So - here I am,  May 1st.  Seems like a good day to make a change.   Here's  what I'm thinking I can do for my work food - Put a note to myself on the top of each and every container of food I take to work.  That note will list the 5 things I should do prior to eating.  That's my goal for this week.  I'll check in next week.

Gut Wisdom

I'm slowly plodding through Marc David's The Slow Down Diet and one of the exercises was to quiet yourself with some deep breaths and then take an inventory of what foods work.  Not in term of what the nutrition label says - but in terms of how you feel thinking about the foods, eating the foods and after eating the foods.

My Threshold Habit

Next month, I will be celebrating 3 years of successful  - for the most part - weight management after losing almost 70 lbs on OPTIFAST.  I'll post more about the ups and downs of the past year later.  Today's post is about my threshold habit: No McDonald's.  

First of all, what do I mean by threshold habit?  For me, it's a habit I identify with my life when I was fat.  It exemplifies that part of my life.  And it's a habit I refuse to practice - not even once. For me, if I make an exception, I'll be opening the door and inviting my former habits back into my life.   It's a threshold I will not cross.  

Why McDonald's?  Before I lost weight, several meals per week came from McDonald's. Almost daily, I'd stop and get a biscuit breakfast on the way to work.  And then a co-worker and I would go and get a 'value' meal for lunch.  The food was cheap and usually filled me up.  But if left me wanting more and I'd end up hitting the vending machine mid-morning and again mid-afternoon.  By giving myself the MickeyD's 'out', I allowed myself to not plan my food, prepare my food or take any type of responsibility for making sure I was eating healthy.  

So what did I do with all that time I wasn't preparing my food?  I was vegging out in front of the television or indulging my internet addiction.  I certainly wasn't spending the time exercising or even taking a walk to get fresh air.  I wasn't reading to enrich my mind.  I wasn't knitting to indulge my creative self. 

My life was flat dull and very blob-like.  

When I started OPTIFASt, I made a committment to myself that I would not gain the weight back. As I was going through the OPITFAST programl I had the opportunity to look at my life and make decisions about what worked and what didn't.  I realized that I would have to spend time preparing my food and exercising.  To make sure I stuck to that, I took McDonald's (or any fast-food, for the most part) off of my list of options.

And now, almost three and a half years later since I started OPTIFAST, I have not had McDonald's.  I go there to use the restroom when my partner and I are out and about, but that's it.  Eating at McDonald's for me symbolizes crossing the threshold back into a pattern of unhealthy habits.  And I won't go there.

What's your threshold habit?

MFD visitors  - please visit my old blog on MFD: Mindfully Being Healthy.  RealPeach has posted valuable information there regarding different forms of exercise: cardio, strength training, yoga and pilates.  

Expectations of Support

I've been struggling with this idea for a few days now.   MyFoodDiary is a members' only site and I post a bit openly about some of the difficulties I have with my significant other.   I don't post about that much here because it is so public and he is an intensely private person and I must protect his privacy first and foremost.  So, with that caveat, I'll start today's ramble/rant:

Our partners are not the least little bit responsible for our success or failure with our weight management efforts.  Period.

My partner is a gourmet cook who, for the most part, fully embraces the use of real food in his food preparation.  He trained himself in the French method of cooking and he doesn't really believe in substitution.  Therefore, our sauces are thickened with butter or cream rather than maybe a bit of vegetable puree or arrowroot.   He didn't grow up eating whole-wheat pastas or brown rice and he doesn't want to switch.   He believes (rightfully, for the most part) the vegetables we get today are inferior and he doesn't want to waste his time or insult his palate with below par veggies.  Frozen veggies aren't much of an option for him - few freeze well.   Yep - he's a food snob.  But he's my food snob and while I need more vegetables in my diet, I accept his judgement on these things.   The result - few arguments about food in the house but a bit more stress on me to get my diet balanced.  The peace in our home is worth it.

I will also add that this man stood by me while I was on OPTIFAST and is standing by me every on step of my maintenance journey.   We argue sometimes about what steps I should take - but he's right there with me.

What are legitimate expectations of a loved one when you undertake a lifestyle change - especially one that could impact him or her?    Do you expect, just because you choose to order salad that your partner order a salad too?  Do you expect, just because you don't need or want Girl Scout Cookies, that your partner should forgo them too?   Do you expect that because you need to walk an hour a day, your partner should walk with you?   If you do, you're setting yourself up for disappointments and excuses to fall off the wagon.

That said - it is reasonable to ask your partner to not indulge in your favorite food in front of you.  It is also reasonable to ask your partner to walk with you.  But understand he/she may hate walking.  My partner thinks walking in the neighborhood is boring.  So - I asked.  He said no and I go for my walk alone.  That's OK.   

Is it reasonable to expect your partner to respect the boundaries you've set around food?  Yep.  What does that mean?  A story may illustrate better.  Last night, I was thumbing through a cook book and saw a cookie recipe I wanted to try.  I love to bake cookies and my partner loves to eat them.  However - I almost always make oatmeal raisin cookies.  He made a comment that he'd like a different kind of cookie so I've been looking at recipes.  But last night when I mentioned these cookies he said "What are you doing?  I don't really need the cookies. I appreciate that you want to make them for me, but I don't need them.  And my pants are fitting tighter."   Now, what he didn't say and I didn't even hear it silently implied was "you don't need them either."   What I heard was my partner asking me to not make cookies.  He likes them but doesn't need them and he doesn't want to have start shopping for new pants.  But I don't get to make cookies if I don't make them for him.  That's OK.  I'll show my support and respect for his boundary by not making cookies every week.   I've ordered Girl Scout cookies which will be delivered next month so I won't even think about making cookies again until April.  And when I make them in April - we'll share with the neighbors or co-workers.  He won't have to eat the whole batch.  I'm respecting a boundary he has set for himself around food.  (He normally doesn't munch on cookies just because they are available - but mine ARE that good - yeah, and I'm modest too)

It's also reasonable to expect your partner to respect the time it takes for you to work out and prepare the food you need on a daily basis.   This is a bit tricky for my partner and me.   He understands that I need to exercise.  We don't agree on how much and how often.  I win.  He grumbles.  We get over it.   He also doesn't understand my need to have food prepared for each day.  He's beginning to - he's seeing the few healthy real food options available for purchase when dining out.  I prefer to control what I eat most of the time.  He doesn't grumble that I do that - just that it takes time.  He's grumbling for a good reason - he wants me to relax or spend that time with him.

But I don't think it's reasonable to dictate what your partner eats.  Nor is it reasonable to dictate where he eats.   (Though it would be nice if he/she didn't pick fattening burger joints all the time - but point that out to him/her).   It's also not reasonable to make your partner feel bad about his/her food choices.  I was so guilty of this and my partner snapped at me "Thanks. Now I can't enjoy my lunch."  I felt so horrible that I had done that to him.

My partner and I don't have it all worked out perfectly.  But one thing that makes it easier is being honest with myself about who really owns my weight management: me.   By keeping that in mind, I am able to let my partner know how he can help me and what he does that hinders.  He knows I'm not making him responsible - just asking for his help.

And I'm very grateful to him for all his help.

  

Two Topics - Accountability and Don't Go Hungry Questions - Revisited

Accountability 

Yesterday was a doozie when it comes to my eating.  I did everything like I did when I weighed 210 lbs.  I wanted to eat, I ate.   There are some exceptions:  I didn't hit the vending machine so I stuck to my boundary about not eating anything I didn't bring from home.  Another is that a much smaller quantity of food now makes me miserable.  That's it though.

I ate mindlessly.  I ate crap - real food, but not healthy food.  And by the time I went to bed last night, my stomach ACHED.   So not only did I have a sore back, I had an aching stomach.  Hmm - was I looking for balanced pain?   

No, I was looking for comfort in all the wrong places. By the time I got home from work, I was in real state of self-pity.   I indulged it big time.  Comfort food for dinner followed by cookie dough.   It expanded in my stomach and well....

Now for the big difference between now and 210 lbs.  I stepped on the scale this morning.  They were up 3 lbs.   I know I didn't eat enough to gain 3 lbs, but I probably did gain at least one.  The thing is - I held myself accountable for my actions.  Not stepping on the scales may have sent the message "I didn't weigh myself so what I ate last night doesn't count."   That is a very dangerous message and one that sends me on a slippery slide UP the scales.   My point is - pick at least one tool to use consistently that will give you feedback on your efforts.  Use that tool to hold yourself accountable.  It truly can make the difference between weighing 150 lbs or weighing 210 lbs.

Now for the Don't Go Hungry Questions.

I'm adding one:   Will this food still be with me 3 hours from now?   And if the answer is yes, I need to rethink eating it.   One thing I'm learning is that when I eat too much (even if only a little too  much) in one sitting, I will be  miserable for hours.   What I want to do is use that knowledge to stop the eating too much pattern.   I'd rather eat a little more often and have a happy tummy.

An old nemesis is back

It's been a very long time since my back has acted up so much I considered not going to work.   But here I am.  I'm at work with a nagging pain in my hip and all of my food for the day already eaten.  It's only 11:30 AM.  I'm not physically hungry, but the desire to eat is huge.  Eating is a comfort activity for me and when I'm in pain I want to eat.   I'll be OK - I will stick to my boundary of not eating anything I haven't brought from home.  My partner (who works for the same company) has some home-made oatmeal raisin cookies in his office.  I'll grab two later on this afternoon - if I need them.

Recognizing this hunger and the cause is enlightening.  I don't have an alternative activity.  Sleep would be good.  Being at home would be good.  Neither are options right now.  I haven't had this eating response since I came off of OPTIFAST and it's definitely thrown me for a bit of a loop.  What kind of alternative activities can I practice when I want to eat because of physical pain?

Along with the bad back comes another stress - I can't work out.  Not with this back.   In fact, I think the back pain is a cumulative result of a week's worth of jarring my body by doing low-impact aerobics on a cement floor.  

The good news - the cushioned floor mats have been ordered.   I am hoping they'll be here sometime next week.  In the meantime, I get to reduce my eating to accommodate reduced activity and soon as I'm able I will re-start my strength training and walk in the neighborhood (weather permitting).

Keeping On Keeping On - Part 2

One of the reason I wrote about 'keeping on keeping on' last week was because I was talking to myself.  Reminding myself it's a daily thing. Automatic.  It takes time and effort - but so does brushing my teeth or taking a shower and I don't freak about those things.  Or get tired of doing them.  I just do them.  And get on with life.

What I haven't made too public - until today - is that my kinder, gentler approach to weight loss/management is not working.  Based on the numbers, it should be working.  And it's frustrating me to the point of hurdling me into a depression.

I went to the doctor today.  She agrees - I should be returning to my normal weight based on calories and exercise.  She does think my diet needs tweaking (less starch, more green) and I should consider upping my exercise time to 60 minutes a day on most days.  And I must include weight training.  Pilates is not enough.

Blood work was drawn.  A nutritionist was recommended.  And I'm still frustrated.

But - I'm going to go on keeping on.  I'm going to keep on track with my exercise and I'm going to keep on tracking my food intake.  But  - I'm going to up my calories just a bit, to make sure my body has the fuel it needs for the workouts.  

I'm going to try to be patient.  And I was reminded to look at what I have accomplished - I lost almost 70 lbs, and have maintained most of that loss for almost 3 years.  I AM on the right side of the statistics.  And I will keep on keeping on to make sure I stay there.