Happy

One of my frustrations for the past three years is that it seems my dear husband does not know how to cook without using butter, cream or sour cream.  And he's especially happy when he can use a combination of all three fats in the same dish.

Tonight's menu: ground beef with noodles.  I gave him no preparation instructions because one does not tell his man how to cook.  I was expecting to pick my way through a fat laden stroganoff type sauce.  I was very happily mistaken.  The dish had no  butter, no cream, no sour cream and it was delicious.

The rest of today went well enough.  I logged. I ate when I was hungry.  I stopped when I was not.  I did get too hungry because I sort of accidentally skipped breakfast.  Bad idea.  But it turned out OK.

And I did pilates when I got home from work.  18 minutes.  Worked up a sweat.

Quiet Saturday

This is the first weekend I've been at home in a month!  And I have tons to do, but I'm making it a quiet weekend regardless.  I need some quality downtime with just me and then some with my hubby.

Michelle, I do hope you found the comment I left for you.  Your comment made me sad for you and do hope that you find a way to learn to be kind to yourself on this journey.

Good weekend

D and I left Thursday evening for North Georgia instead of Friday morning.  This did something really wonderful for me - it eliminated the stress I usually feel trying to get my hours made up at work.  We got up there in time to relax Thursday evening and then work all day on Friday.  Working looking out the window at my beautiful creek!

He and I also talked a lot about my weight gain and some other things.  I've ordered a glucose monitoring kit and will start measuring my blood sugars each morning for a while.  We want to get a better idea  of which foods (or drinks) cause the most impact.

Better yet, we actually checked in with each other before automatically preparing and eating dinner on Friday.  The result was that we skipped dinner and I was fine with it.

And I played with flowers, went to the farmer's market  (scored a huge back of kale for $1!), and basically just enjoyed a good relaxing weekend.

Work is busy

And I stuck to my guns.  I told people I was leaving at 4pm and the ones who decided that I wasn't serious found out I was.  "No, I'm sorry - I can't get that for you.  I've  just shut down and I have to leave."  She wasn't happy.  But I was  - leaving on time gave me:

• An easier commute home
• Time to hit the grocery store
• Time to move my body with Leslie Sansone  (2 miles from the 5 Advanced CD)
• And peace of mind

I have to work a little tonight, but that will be OK.

Had a great weekend - a girlfriend and I had a girls'  weekend at Coosa Creek.  Much fun - lots of talking, some good girlie food, some good wine, some shopping and some walking!  Uphill walking!  My friend and I walked the paved footpath from the parking lot at Brasstown Bald to the top- we climbed about 500 feet in .6 miles!  It was steep and I took my time and made it.  Yay me!  And thanks to A for encouraging me to keep going!

http://www.georgiatrails.com/gt/Brasstown_Bald_Trail

It's time to make that donation!

As I promised mid-February, once a month I will randomly choose one of my supporters who left a comment on my blog during the last month and make a $25.00 donation to his/or her selected charity.

Today is the first random selection:  Sandrelle!  Check out Sandrelle's inspiring, motivational, educational and giving blog: Keeping it OFF!

Expectations of Support

I've been struggling with this idea for a few days now.   MyFoodDiary is a members' only site and I post a bit openly about some of the difficulties I have with my significant other.   I don't post about that much here because it is so public and he is an intensely private person and I must protect his privacy first and foremost.  So, with that caveat, I'll start today's ramble/rant:

Our partners are not the least little bit responsible for our success or failure with our weight management efforts.  Period.

My partner is a gourmet cook who, for the most part, fully embraces the use of real food in his food preparation.  He trained himself in the French method of cooking and he doesn't really believe in substitution.  Therefore, our sauces are thickened with butter or cream rather than maybe a bit of vegetable puree or arrowroot.   He didn't grow up eating whole-wheat pastas or brown rice and he doesn't want to switch.   He believes (rightfully, for the most part) the vegetables we get today are inferior and he doesn't want to waste his time or insult his palate with below par veggies.  Frozen veggies aren't much of an option for him - few freeze well.   Yep - he's a food snob.  But he's my food snob and while I need more vegetables in my diet, I accept his judgement on these things.   The result - few arguments about food in the house but a bit more stress on me to get my diet balanced.  The peace in our home is worth it.

I will also add that this man stood by me while I was on OPTIFAST and is standing by me every on step of my maintenance journey.   We argue sometimes about what steps I should take - but he's right there with me.

What are legitimate expectations of a loved one when you undertake a lifestyle change - especially one that could impact him or her?    Do you expect, just because you choose to order salad that your partner order a salad too?  Do you expect, just because you don't need or want Girl Scout Cookies, that your partner should forgo them too?   Do you expect that because you need to walk an hour a day, your partner should walk with you?   If you do, you're setting yourself up for disappointments and excuses to fall off the wagon.

That said - it is reasonable to ask your partner to not indulge in your favorite food in front of you.  It is also reasonable to ask your partner to walk with you.  But understand he/she may hate walking.  My partner thinks walking in the neighborhood is boring.  So - I asked.  He said no and I go for my walk alone.  That's OK.   

Is it reasonable to expect your partner to respect the boundaries you've set around food?  Yep.  What does that mean?  A story may illustrate better.  Last night, I was thumbing through a cook book and saw a cookie recipe I wanted to try.  I love to bake cookies and my partner loves to eat them.  However - I almost always make oatmeal raisin cookies.  He made a comment that he'd like a different kind of cookie so I've been looking at recipes.  But last night when I mentioned these cookies he said "What are you doing?  I don't really need the cookies. I appreciate that you want to make them for me, but I don't need them.  And my pants are fitting tighter."   Now, what he didn't say and I didn't even hear it silently implied was "you don't need them either."   What I heard was my partner asking me to not make cookies.  He likes them but doesn't need them and he doesn't want to have start shopping for new pants.  But I don't get to make cookies if I don't make them for him.  That's OK.  I'll show my support and respect for his boundary by not making cookies every week.   I've ordered Girl Scout cookies which will be delivered next month so I won't even think about making cookies again until April.  And when I make them in April - we'll share with the neighbors or co-workers.  He won't have to eat the whole batch.  I'm respecting a boundary he has set for himself around food.  (He normally doesn't munch on cookies just because they are available - but mine ARE that good - yeah, and I'm modest too)

It's also reasonable to expect your partner to respect the time it takes for you to work out and prepare the food you need on a daily basis.   This is a bit tricky for my partner and me.   He understands that I need to exercise.  We don't agree on how much and how often.  I win.  He grumbles.  We get over it.   He also doesn't understand my need to have food prepared for each day.  He's beginning to - he's seeing the few healthy real food options available for purchase when dining out.  I prefer to control what I eat most of the time.  He doesn't grumble that I do that - just that it takes time.  He's grumbling for a good reason - he wants me to relax or spend that time with him.

But I don't think it's reasonable to dictate what your partner eats.  Nor is it reasonable to dictate where he eats.   (Though it would be nice if he/she didn't pick fattening burger joints all the time - but point that out to him/her).   It's also not reasonable to make your partner feel bad about his/her food choices.  I was so guilty of this and my partner snapped at me "Thanks. Now I can't enjoy my lunch."  I felt so horrible that I had done that to him.

My partner and I don't have it all worked out perfectly.  But one thing that makes it easier is being honest with myself about who really owns my weight management: me.   By keeping that in mind, I am able to let my partner know how he can help me and what he does that hinders.  He knows I'm not making him responsible - just asking for his help.

And I'm very grateful to him for all his help.

  

Keeping On Keeping On - Part 2

One of the reason I wrote about 'keeping on keeping on' last week was because I was talking to myself.  Reminding myself it's a daily thing. Automatic.  It takes time and effort - but so does brushing my teeth or taking a shower and I don't freak about those things.  Or get tired of doing them.  I just do them.  And get on with life.

What I haven't made too public - until today - is that my kinder, gentler approach to weight loss/management is not working.  Based on the numbers, it should be working.  And it's frustrating me to the point of hurdling me into a depression.

I went to the doctor today.  She agrees - I should be returning to my normal weight based on calories and exercise.  She does think my diet needs tweaking (less starch, more green) and I should consider upping my exercise time to 60 minutes a day on most days.  And I must include weight training.  Pilates is not enough.

Blood work was drawn.  A nutritionist was recommended.  And I'm still frustrated.

But - I'm going to go on keeping on.  I'm going to keep on track with my exercise and I'm going to keep on tracking my food intake.  But  - I'm going to up my calories just a bit, to make sure my body has the fuel it needs for the workouts.  

I'm going to try to be patient.  And I was reminded to look at what I have accomplished - I lost almost 70 lbs, and have maintained most of that loss for almost 3 years.  I AM on the right side of the statistics.  And I will keep on keeping on to make sure I stay there.

Support Network

This weekend marks my official anniversary date of maintaining my weight and while I acknowledge my efforts to maintain my weight at this time (usually with a nice piece of jewelry), I also send thank-you notes to the people who have supported me in the process.

A support network is vital. My partner and I were discussing his role as my number one cheerleader, coach, supporter for my weight management efforts and he mentioned there should be classes for significant others to take so they can learn how to support their loved ones with their weight management.

It's not just about saying "you look great" or "you're doing so well." While the positive acknowledgments are important, sometimes they aren't appropriate. For example when I was transitioning from Optifast to regular food, I splurged and bought myself a small (4-piece) box of chocolates. This was outside all the boundaries I'd set for myself. My partner didn't say "That's OK. A treat every now and then won't hurt you. You've done so well." Instead he asked, much to my annoyance at the time, "why did you do that?" He wasn't judging me. He was asking me to be honest with myself and why I would choose to stray outside the boundaries during such an important phase of my weight loss.

It's hard for your friends and family to know how to support you. I'm lucky - my partner is incredibly intelligent and has some psychology and medical training. And he is brave enough to risk alienating me by asking me to be honest. Friends and family don't necessarily want to take that risk and they stick to the safe "You look great" type of supporting comments.

Help your supporters by letting them know what you need. Make sure you have one supporter who will call you down when you need to be called down. Also, if some of your supporters are making comments like "you don't really need to lose any more weight" and you have at least 10 lbs to lose to be in a healthy weight range, then you may want to question that person's support. That person may have issues he/she are trying to make yours by sabotaging your efforts. Don't let them. That happened to me while I was still on OPTIFAST and I learned to say "Thank you. My doctor and I have set a healthy goal for me and I am still working towards that goal." If the person persists, then perhaps you should limit your contact with that person.

Overall, though, people DO want you to succeed and I think it's important to acknowledge and thank them for their support.

And now I'm off to write thank you notes.

Thank You, Emory and STARS Group

This past Friday, I attended one of Emory's STARS groups to talk about my experiences with maintaining my weight. I enjoyed meeting everyone in the group and was so inspired by their achievements. Y'all are awesome!

After the group, the nutritionist and I chatted for a bit with the program's doctor, discussing my goals. They both gave me lots to think about in terms of how to possible get started in a career where I could use my experience and knowledge to help others lose weight and maintain their new weight.

They also both advised I take a hard look at my goal weight. One of my disappointments is that I haven't reached my goal weight. I'm 12-15 lbs away. And I've been 12-15 lbs away since April 2006. Both the nutritionist and the doctor think I may be trying to go too low and that some of the weight I want to lose is excess skin. WOW. That has given me something to think about and I've decided to revise my goal and now want to lose just 7 more lbs. At that time, I'll have another body fat % test done and consult with my physician about a realistic goal weight.

And on a side note - I accomplished a personal best at Emory. I climbed up 7 flights of stairs in the parking deck.

-Maura