I see myself following the same old patterns - doing well and then forgetting. The past few days I've felt bloated and heavy. Not as light as I had been feeling. But I'm aware - and retuning* to asking the important question "is this going to make me feel heavy or is this going to make me feel light?"
* I meant to type returning but I actually like retuning. All musical instruments need to be tuned and retuned and in my case - so does my mind. And I can retune without guilt.
I got up and worked out this morning - first time in a while. And for the first time in well over a year, I wore my heart rate monitor. I had a goal for wearing it - I wanted to make sure I didn't push myself too hard. I used to push hard and harder and even harder - looking for the calorie burn. I know for a fact that my completely giving up exercise and healthy movement is a backlash from abusing my body that way. So, I did get above range a few times - used that as a cue to retune (gees, I love this analogy) and reduce my intensity. The result - I have an average heart rate of 139 bpm for 58 minutes. And I don't feel wiped out and icky.
I'm still working on Noaa's blanket - it's really quite easy now that I'm getting the hang of it. I've never picked up stitches before - and I know it's not perfect. But Noaa is not going to care.
And I'm reading The Writing Circle by Corinne Demas and the complex characters have definitely intrigued me. So much that I'm about to sign off writing here and pick up the iPad to return to reading.
But before I do - does anyone have any suggestions for cooking swiss chard? I have the recipe for my first ever tasting of this beautiful green. I am hoping I love it for it's taste as much as I do for it's color - and if I do, then I think I shall be wanting to cook it quite often.
Showing posts with label Not Completely Weight Related. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Not Completely Weight Related. Show all posts
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
An Awe-filled weekend
Today is my husband's birthday and to celebrate, we spent to extra days at our haven in North Georgia. We splashed around in the swimming pool - and I experienced a first: I skinny dipped. I now understand the appeal and plan to be butt naked in my swimming pool as often as possible. Thankfully where we live is very secluded!
As I sipped my coffee each morning, I watched hummingbird wargames at their feeder. My goodness those little buggers are fast. It's hard to believe how this beautiful little bird whose image is often used to invoke tranquility can be so very aggressive! It must have something to do with getting all the energy necessary to make their annual flight across the Gulf of Mexico. Until then, I'll enjoy watching their wargames.
And then there was Baby. Baby is a black bear. About 250 lbs of black bear and he (we think & hope) has a major penchant for sunflower seeds. And if you haven't guessed already, D and I feed the birds - black sunflower seeds. We figured he was a nocturnal to dawn thief and didn't think anything at all about traipsing off our porch to go get a bite to eat. We had one surprised bear, 2 surprised humans and one very dead bird feeder. We'll find another bird feeder - one that is hopefully a bit more bear proof. I don't care if Baby noshes our birdseed as long as he remembers to run away when we surprise him. The image of this incredibly powerful animal trotting off to the border of our yard, every once and a while looking to see if we were still there, will be forever with me. I am in in total awe of Baby.
This is not Baby - but you can get the picture...
And at this moment, I'm in awe of myself too. For the past few days, I have actually listened to my body and paid it attention. I put my fork down. More than once.
It is my hope that as D and I spend more and more time with the bears, hummingbirds, deer, and frogs, that I will never lose the awe I have of them.
As I sipped my coffee each morning, I watched hummingbird wargames at their feeder. My goodness those little buggers are fast. It's hard to believe how this beautiful little bird whose image is often used to invoke tranquility can be so very aggressive! It must have something to do with getting all the energy necessary to make their annual flight across the Gulf of Mexico. Until then, I'll enjoy watching their wargames.
And then there was Baby. Baby is a black bear. About 250 lbs of black bear and he (we think & hope) has a major penchant for sunflower seeds. And if you haven't guessed already, D and I feed the birds - black sunflower seeds. We figured he was a nocturnal to dawn thief and didn't think anything at all about traipsing off our porch to go get a bite to eat. We had one surprised bear, 2 surprised humans and one very dead bird feeder. We'll find another bird feeder - one that is hopefully a bit more bear proof. I don't care if Baby noshes our birdseed as long as he remembers to run away when we surprise him. The image of this incredibly powerful animal trotting off to the border of our yard, every once and a while looking to see if we were still there, will be forever with me. I am in in total awe of Baby.
This is not Baby - but you can get the picture...
And at this moment, I'm in awe of myself too. For the past few days, I have actually listened to my body and paid it attention. I put my fork down. More than once.
It is my hope that as D and I spend more and more time with the bears, hummingbirds, deer, and frogs, that I will never lose the awe I have of them.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Cleaning
When I returned to the work force after about a 9 month break, my husband, then boyfriend, insisted I hire a maid. I interviewed two services and liked both. I chose the one I'm currently using because the owner seemed to have an interest in our cats - other than wondering how much "in the way" they were going to be while she cleaned.
My husband and I are not messy people and we clean after ourselves and my once a week housecleaning that I did when I wasn't working took me about 4 hours - with a couple of short breaks. That allowed for deep cleaning in one room and maintenance cleaning in the rest of the house. The rotation worked well. (Thanks FlyLady!)
When my maid first started, I was pleased as could be - she cleaned as well as I did. And she's a sweetie - when my back was out last year, she offered to go to the store, run errands, etc for me. I'm not sure her boss would have approved, but I very much appreciated the offer even though I didn't need to take her up on it. When Harry died (seems like our cats die on cleaning day), D met her at the door and explained that she would not be able to clean upstairs (where Harry was). Instead of cleaning downstairs and leaving - she rearranged her schedule and came back the next day to clean the entire house. She has a heart of gold.
Her boss, on the other hand, seems to think it's OK to work her maids on national holidays. She also seems to think that S can clean my house in one and a half hours. And we've noticed things starting to really slip - dust build up on our dining room furniture, etc. I once asked S if she needed to come a different day so she could work longer in our house. She said no.
After this weekend, I'm afraid I have to take a more assertive stance. I cleaned the dining room furniture and the kitchen cabinets thoroughly. It became painfully clear that she's not even wiping down the faces of the cabinets and there was a dust build up on the dining room chairs. I know she can't do a deep clean every week, but she was there on Thursday - there should not have been dust on those chairs on Saturday!
So, me and my Old English friend became reacquainted. And I have to say - I love how the kitchen cabinets are gleaming. What I didn't like was how nauseated I felt when I finished this morning. To much Old English fumes? How could the smell of lemon oil make me ill?
Anyway, I'm torn. I don't want to fire my cleaning service and hurt S. I don't care about her boss - but if I quit the service, it will ultimately hurt S. And I have to say, I've missed the satisfaction and almost instant reward of cleaning. Done with some elbow grease, it gets the heart rate up a wee bit, too!
For now, I plan to leave S a note on cleaning day - if I could arrange to work remotely that day, I would but Thursdays are difficult to be remote. So - the note is going to tell her what I found and that I think she's not being given enough time do everything and offer again, to change days. If we do end up having to stop the service, I think I may try keeping house myself. I did so like those gleaming cabinets.
My husband and I are not messy people and we clean after ourselves and my once a week housecleaning that I did when I wasn't working took me about 4 hours - with a couple of short breaks. That allowed for deep cleaning in one room and maintenance cleaning in the rest of the house. The rotation worked well. (Thanks FlyLady!)
When my maid first started, I was pleased as could be - she cleaned as well as I did. And she's a sweetie - when my back was out last year, she offered to go to the store, run errands, etc for me. I'm not sure her boss would have approved, but I very much appreciated the offer even though I didn't need to take her up on it. When Harry died (seems like our cats die on cleaning day), D met her at the door and explained that she would not be able to clean upstairs (where Harry was). Instead of cleaning downstairs and leaving - she rearranged her schedule and came back the next day to clean the entire house. She has a heart of gold.
Her boss, on the other hand, seems to think it's OK to work her maids on national holidays. She also seems to think that S can clean my house in one and a half hours. And we've noticed things starting to really slip - dust build up on our dining room furniture, etc. I once asked S if she needed to come a different day so she could work longer in our house. She said no.
After this weekend, I'm afraid I have to take a more assertive stance. I cleaned the dining room furniture and the kitchen cabinets thoroughly. It became painfully clear that she's not even wiping down the faces of the cabinets and there was a dust build up on the dining room chairs. I know she can't do a deep clean every week, but she was there on Thursday - there should not have been dust on those chairs on Saturday!
So, me and my Old English friend became reacquainted. And I have to say - I love how the kitchen cabinets are gleaming. What I didn't like was how nauseated I felt when I finished this morning. To much Old English fumes? How could the smell of lemon oil make me ill?
Anyway, I'm torn. I don't want to fire my cleaning service and hurt S. I don't care about her boss - but if I quit the service, it will ultimately hurt S. And I have to say, I've missed the satisfaction and almost instant reward of cleaning. Done with some elbow grease, it gets the heart rate up a wee bit, too!
For now, I plan to leave S a note on cleaning day - if I could arrange to work remotely that day, I would but Thursdays are difficult to be remote. So - the note is going to tell her what I found and that I think she's not being given enough time do everything and offer again, to change days. If we do end up having to stop the service, I think I may try keeping house myself. I did so like those gleaming cabinets.
Monday, July 4, 2011
Wildlife
D and I spent a relaxing weekend at our mountain retreat - lots of time to knit, and knit and knit. And when I wasn't knitting - I spent time pretending to wage war on weeds.
Friday, July 1, 2011
More changes
I'm changing the blog somewhat. I'll still post rambling thoughts about weight management, but they may not (hopefully won't) be the sole focus of this blog. I have other interests - I enjoy cooking, reading and knitting and I'm learning about taking care of plants - annuals and perennials. But no one ever hears about those things from me. Instead they hear whining and complaining about weight management. Or my latest and greatest approach to weight management. It has been the sole focus of my life since I was about 8 years old. When things didn't go well, I blamed my weight. And I stopped living.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Work is busy
And I stuck to my guns. I told people I was leaving at 4pm and the ones who decided that I wasn't serious found out I was. "No, I'm sorry - I can't get that for you. I've just shut down and I have to leave." She wasn't happy. But I was - leaving on time gave me:
- An easier commute home
- Time to hit the grocery store
- Time to move my body with Leslie Sansone (2 miles from the 5 Advanced CD)
- And peace of mind
I have to work a little tonight, but that will be OK.
Had a great weekend - a girlfriend and I had a girls' weekend at Coosa Creek. Much fun - lots of talking, some good girlie food, some good wine, some shopping and some walking! Uphill walking! My friend and I walked the paved footpath from the parking lot at Brasstown Bald to the top- we climbed about 500 feet in .6 miles! It was steep and I took my time and made it. Yay me! And thanks to A for encouraging me to keep going!
http://www.georgiatrails.com/gt/Brasstown_Bald_Trail
Monday, May 30, 2011
What I'm reading....
First - thanks, Sunny, for the comment. I'm still considering my options. If I felt like I would get a good enough moderate walk in at 5 AM, I'd get up to do that - make it a walking meditation, which may work as well as journaling does. But I know me, getting up to journal is pleasant, not that stressful. Getting up to walk can be stressful. And of course, not getting enough sleep is already a concern. So - it will be a measured decision.
In the meantime, I wanted to let y'all know about a great blog I've found about weight management: A Weight Lifted. It is published by the Green Mountain at Fox Run weight loss facility and the focus of the blog (and the facility) is to bring more of a balance to our weight management practice.
Today's post was helpful to cement my new approach in my head: Overcoming Binge Eating: Moving from Self-Loathing to Self-Care. D and I started a conversation about my weight gain. He sees that I am unhappy about it and that I've been beating myself up about it. True on both points. My weight gain to me is the same as having my psyche beaten to a bloody pulp. And when I think about it, I my stress levels go up and I want to eat more. That vicious cycle. I recognize it and am certain that the steps I need to take include compassionate self-reflection, compassionate healthy eating and compassionate consistent movement.
Another post in the same blog, Food Obsession - When Food Thoughts Take Over, helped me realize that my life has been totally out of balance. I've been obsessed with diet and weight management to the point that very little else has been in my life. I'm exploring options there. I love to knit and I love to read. I'm already doing more of those. I also love beautiful flower gardens and I have the opportunity to learn to care for some already established ones at our property in North Georgia:
And of course, feed the birds, and the bear...
The picture was safely taken from my kitchen window. I can't begin to describe the awe I felt for the bear. How such a powerful animal can look so darn cute is beyond me. I know that if I respect him, he'll leave me alone. But trust me - there will be no food left laying around!
In the meantime, I wanted to let y'all know about a great blog I've found about weight management: A Weight Lifted. It is published by the Green Mountain at Fox Run weight loss facility and the focus of the blog (and the facility) is to bring more of a balance to our weight management practice.
Today's post was helpful to cement my new approach in my head: Overcoming Binge Eating: Moving from Self-Loathing to Self-Care. D and I started a conversation about my weight gain. He sees that I am unhappy about it and that I've been beating myself up about it. True on both points. My weight gain to me is the same as having my psyche beaten to a bloody pulp. And when I think about it, I my stress levels go up and I want to eat more. That vicious cycle. I recognize it and am certain that the steps I need to take include compassionate self-reflection, compassionate healthy eating and compassionate consistent movement.
Another post in the same blog, Food Obsession - When Food Thoughts Take Over, helped me realize that my life has been totally out of balance. I've been obsessed with diet and weight management to the point that very little else has been in my life. I'm exploring options there. I love to knit and I love to read. I'm already doing more of those. I also love beautiful flower gardens and I have the opportunity to learn to care for some already established ones at our property in North Georgia:
And of course, feed the birds, and the bear...
The picture was safely taken from my kitchen window. I can't begin to describe the awe I felt for the bear. How such a powerful animal can look so darn cute is beyond me. I know that if I respect him, he'll leave me alone. But trust me - there will be no food left laying around!
Friday, May 27, 2011
Making time for me
I started to call this post "Finding Time" and then it hit me, I must MAKE the time I need for myself. Getting up at 5 AM to have time for reflection and some gentle stretching seems ideal, but not all that realistic or sustainable.
Lately, I've become interested in nurturing and compassionate guides to weight loss. I think that however I choose to make time for myself, it needs to also be nurturing and compassionate: it can't cause more stress.
I want to cultivate two habits for myself. One is a old friend: journaling. The other is a new one, but one I've been thinking about: practicing Sun Salutations every morning. Journaling helps keep me centered. The way I did it before was based on Julia Cameron's "morning pages" as described in The Artist's Way. Basically, I'd write, ink and paper, please, whatever thought came to mind. No editing, no censoring. I did this every morning, filling at least 3 regular sized pieces of notebook paper. I turned it into a ritual with soft music, incense, candles and coffee. It was a wonderful way to start my day. It was also a very time- consuming way to start my day. I don't have 45 minutes per day to devote to that ritual. But, I could cut down to one page or 20 minutes each morning. Followed by the Sun Salutations. But when? Before work would be optional. And I'm back to that 5 AM thing again.
Maybe I need to rethink my roadblock. Is a few more minutes of sleep worth more than the benefit I get from journaling and practicing a very mindful and awakening yoga routine?
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
On vacation
And not blogging! Obviously.
Had a few bad food days but am returning to a state of self-compassion.
And I just ordered 2 books on gardening. Our place in the mountains has some gorgeos perennial beds that I must learn to care for
Saturday, April 2, 2011
It's time to make that donation!
As I promised mid-February, once a month I will randomly choose one of my supporters who left a comment on my blog during the last month and make a $25.00 donation to his/or her selected charity.
Today is the first random selection: Sandrelle! Check out Sandrelle's inspiring, motivational, educational and giving blog: Keeping it OFF!
Today is the first random selection: Sandrelle! Check out Sandrelle's inspiring, motivational, educational and giving blog: Keeping it OFF!
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